So much of what keeps the world running is invisible by design—because acknowledging it would mean admitting just how much is owed. The care, the sacrifice, the unseen labor that holds everything together isn’t just overlooked; it’s erased on purpose. But without it, everything would fall apart.
Mary, Yes, exactly. The invisibility isn’t accidental—it’s structural. Acknowledging it would mean reckoning with the depth of what’s been taken for granted. And yet, the world runs on this unseen labor. Naming it doesn’t just make it visible—it makes it undeniable.
Beautiful piece—I truly loved the image you created! ❤️
Your writing today deeply resonates with my thoughts on today’s celebration. I am celebrating the women who shaped my life as a child and accompanied me into adulthood—silently, through missed opportunities, through paths traced and followed with diligence, without noise. Together, we celebrate those women who didn’t have enough space but created the conditions for others to bloom.
Thank you. The quiet strength of those who came before us—who held space even when they had none for themselves—deserves more than a passing mention. They shaped so much, not always in ways that were seen, yet their impact remains. Today is for them, too.
I have been walking around in a rage for months and months and this piece just sums it up beautifully. I am living this in my home as the care giver to multiple elderly white men. Ugh. Yes we need to be talking about this more and finding answers to the questions you posed.
Amanda, I hear you. That kind of rage—the kind that doesn’t fade but just keeps simmering—I know it well. Living it up close, day in and day out, only adds to the weight. There aren’t easy answers, but naming it, putting it into words, refusing to let it go unseen—that’s a start. You’re not alone in this.
“Girls? Girls were raised to adapt. To maintain. To be prepared to take responsibility for whatever men did not want to deal with. They were trained to be the support system, the caregivers, the ones who kept everything running without expecting recognition.”
So true. I grew up with three older brothers in the 1970s. It continues to dawn on me how my voice as a girl — and a highly sensitive artist — was “shushed.” Yet, now, they come to ME for advice. Interesting.
Cathryn, the word choice alone carries weight, whether intentional or not. In America, no matter how old you are—I vividly remember binge-watching the Golden Girls in the 80s—you are a girl, not a woman. Meanwhile, boys become men.
And that difference? It’s not just linguistic.
And girls? Girls have no power. Girls stay small. Girls don’t raise their voices, especially not against male authority. Girls are expected to comply, to accommodate, to please. It’s ingrained so deeply that even now, it shapes how we are perceived and how we navigate the world.
And yes, many highly sensitive girls grow up fawning, people-pleasing, learning that their survival depends on staying quiet and agreeable. That doesn’t just disappear with age. It lingers, woven into identity, into every moment of self-expression.
I know it’s just habit, because… well, because. And still.
Sorry if I’m a bit over the top here, a bit overgeneralized, not as sophisticated as you might be used to. I guess in some way, it plays into my trauma triggers as well, which is why I feel so strongly about it. And that’s the thing—this isn’t just a habit, just a word. It’s a reflection of something much deeper. And it matters.
I love all the highlights that you brought out in this piece. The essential aspect of recognition to then be able to decide what or how something can change, that it isn’t just about celebrating progress. As for sure, progress has been made, but seeing clearly the way in which we are still denied so many liberties that others take for granted.
Great peace I don’t know if you got to read mine?
I’m going to be thinking about your goal to leave your country by the end of 2025. Will you have a work visa or that kind of thing?
Yes, unfair and unpaid labor as in prison, sex workers, and most anyone who isn’t white privilege. Not to mention those with disabilities that don’t even get the opportunity.
I appreciate your words and the way you expand on the layers of recognition—not just as a means to celebrate progress but as a necessary lens to see what still needs to change. That clarity is everything.
And yes—unpaid and undervalued labor is a system-wide theft, especially for those who are already denied basic liberties. The weight of that injustice is staggering.
Since I’m applying for a disability pension, I won’t officially be allowed to work. I can still create—write, photography, art, maybe workshops, cooking and baking bread on the side—but not in the way most define work.
And I will be leaving without a fixed destination. Depending on my pension, I might qualify for a pensionista visa in Costa Rica, Bali, Seychelles, or Madagascar. Mexico and New Zealand could be options through a digital nomad visa. And in many places, I can stay for at least three, sometimes six months before moving on.
I am still in chronic trauma and I do not feel it possible to make the decision that might determine where I want to spend the rest of my life from a position of chronic trauma. So I am going to visit friends first, to become post-traumatic and decide from there. I always loved to travel and though I like amenities I can live without them. Much might also depend and how much money I am still left with after having sold almost everything in my possession right now and having paid of my debts. That might either curb some possibilities or open up others I am currently not considering.
And who knows? I might meet the second love of my life and unexpectedly end up married.
Your piece is still on my to-read list—otherwise, you’d have heard from me already. I never read without responding.
Awww Jay. I love how deeply you reflect on everything and I’m excited about the trajectory of your life and the possibilities known and unknown that are ahead of you. I’d love to have a conversation with you sometime as I may have some ideas. I want to tell you I listen to your audio as I was prepping my girls for the day and in the end where you play music, and you are for lack of better word doing a CTA. The music is too loud. At least I wasn’t able to hear your words so this might be the case for other people and of course we want to hear your words more than the music. Good taste of music by the way, thank you
Prajna, thank you for that feedback. I will check and re-adjust. It sounded right when I created that part and I might have inadvertently changed some settings. And I'd love to talk to you some time and hear your ideas.
What an important and powerfully argued piece, Jay. I agree with all that you say here and we must do all we can to dismantle the structures that demean & disregard women’s labor and give girls & women (and as you say those socialized to be women) every possibility to reach their full potential. How can I help in the most meaningful way?
Amy, I appreciate your solidarity and the depth of your engagement. The most meaningful way to help is to make this labor visible—wherever you have influence. Acknowledge it, name it, challenge the structures that rely on it staying unseen. If you’re in spaces where decisions are made, ask the questions that disrupt the status quo: Who is doing the unseen work here? Who benefits from it? Who is given recognition, and who is simply expected to keep things running?
If you’re familiar with Vipassana meditation and the practice of noticing, it’s a bit like that. Naming what we experience—not silently, but out loud, always twice. Thinking. Thinking. Unpaid Labor. Unpaid Labor. No Acknowledgement. No Acknowledgement. Underpayment. Underpayment. Most structures lack awareness, not on a theoretical level, but in a tangible, down-to-earth way. The first step isn’t necessarily fixing everything at once—it’s noticing. And then, it’s stopping.
Stop picking up the slack. Stop doing the work that others ignore. Leave it. Let people see what isn’t getting done. One of my therapists once told me, *"You know, Jay, if you keep hanging up hammocks and ask your employees to nap in them, why are you surprised if they do? Stop hanging up hammocks."* Translating: stop doing their work, stop picking up their slack, stop helping them finish earlier, stop stepping in when they haven’t asked for help. Let them sit with their own work. If they want your help, let them ask. Don’t offer.
Beyond that, supporting women financially—whether through direct contributions, amplifying their work, or advocating for policies that value care labor—is crucial. If there’s a specific angle that resonates with you, let’s talk about how we can push this forward together.
This has given me much food for thought thank you Jay. I liked learning about Vipassana and how it can be translated to speaking up in our personal and public spaces. As a professional writer & career journalist this is how I best see my opportunity to contribute to change. I am going to think about that further. Currently I am going through a bit of a medical crisis with a severe low back pain issue so need to heal & conserve my energies. But you have planted an idea & let’s return to it when I have more capacity.
Amy, I know low back pain all too well and how it drains energy. Interestingly, I’ve had less and less of it since truly tending to my mental health—combining that with embodiment has made a real difference. I don’t know anything about your condition, but maybe there’s something in that connection that gives pause.
I appreciate you sharing your thoughts on Vipassana and how it relates to speaking up. The way you see your role as a writer and journalist in creating change resonates. When you’re feeling stronger and have more capacity, I’d love to return to this conversation. Wishing you the space and rest you need to heal.
Thank you for this. I am in the midst of this struggle now in a really fundamental way. Like fighting to get free but having to do it slowly, strategically, mindfully...it's like a grinding, exhausting kind of liberation, not like the way we see in Hollywood movies or the way it's talked about so freely on Instagram...I no longer believe that any of these systems can be reformed. They must be burned down to the ground. I used to be into that work, but it is exhausting and quite dangerous actually. The good part is, that they seem to be doing that all by their ownsome and at the same time, I can be building something with all of you out of their view, off to the side. I think we need to be making very bold moves...but not moves that engage the machine, that is a waste of energy and I don't really have time or energy to waste anymore.
Mx. PunkRogers, I hear you. That slow, grinding kind of liberation—the kind that isn’t glamorous, isn’t cinematic, but unfolds through relentless persistence—is the real work. It’s exhausting. It takes everything. And I understand stepping away from the idea that these systems can be reformed. They weren’t built to serve us. There’s power in redirecting energy away from engaging the machine and instead focusing on what can be built outside of its reach. Bold moves that don’t waste energy feeding a broken system—that resonates. I’m right there with you. I also agree that engaging with the system often leads nowhere, and some people are actively reinforcing its decay. But when I step back and look at history, I see that major shifts don’t happen in a vacuum. Some ideas persist for centuries, surviving under oppression, waiting for the moment when conditions make change unavoidable. The Enlightenment in the 18th century brought democracy into the mainstream, shifting power structures in ways that seemed impossible before. The Renaissance in the 14th century ignited new ways of thinking and set the stage for exploration and expansion. These weren’t overnight transformations—they built over time, accumulating pressure until something had to give. Right now, everything is accelerating. The old systems are clinging to relevance, pushing back with everything they have, because they sense what’s coming. Every major shift in history has been preceded by a resurgence of the old order—one last desperate attempt to maintain control before collapse. The two world wars of the last century nudged the system but didn’t break it entirely. Now, something deeper is brewing. The cracks are widening. I don’t know exactly what’s next, but I know we’re standing at the edge of it.
👏👏👏👏👏👏 Well done Jay 🙌 this essay says ( beautifully and eloquently ) , what needs to be said again and again and again , until finally this unpaid labour is recognised for the crucial role that it has always , and continues to play in our society and in our world. I am deeply gratified to see that in the young women I know, they are very cognisant of this. They simply don’t engage in the system like I so unwittingly did when I was a young woman. I have raised two beautiful sons who are both fierce advocates and champions of equality at home and at work . Let’s hope their generation does a better job of valuing themselves and their contribution 🌸💚💛🧡❤️🩷💙🖤
Pippa, thank you. The persistence of this issue—the fact that it still needs to be said again and again—speaks volumes. Unpaid labor has been the backbone of society, yet it remains dismissed, expected, invisible. I’m heartened to hear that the young women you know are refusing to engage with the system in the ways we once did. That awareness, that unwillingness to play along, is a shift.
And raising sons who are fierce advocates? That’s no small thing. That’s change happening in real time, shaping the future in ways we may not yet see. I hold onto the same hope—that their generation values themselves and their contributions in ways that break these old cycles.
I also wonder if South Africa’s own history plays a role in shaping that awareness. Growing up in a system that was so visibly and undeniably inhumane might create a different kind of mindset, one that recognizes oppression for what it is and refuses to be complicit. The philosophy of Ubuntu—this deep sense of interconnectedness—stands in stark contrast to the individualism that drives so many Western narratives. That lived experience, that history, is something no American has had to endure in the same way. Maybe that’s part of why the younger generation there sees through these structures so clearly.
It's truly shocking how deep-rooted racism and sexism is in the USA. 💔🤍💙
Really important, illuminating piece. 🙏
Megan,
Thank you. IWD carries so many layers, and I wanted to speak to the ones that often go unnoticed. I appreciate you taking the time to read.
This is one of those bedrock layers that is really important to speak to and shine a light on!
So much of what keeps the world running is invisible by design—because acknowledging it would mean admitting just how much is owed. The care, the sacrifice, the unseen labor that holds everything together isn’t just overlooked; it’s erased on purpose. But without it, everything would fall apart.
Thank you for this reminder today.
Mary, Yes, exactly. The invisibility isn’t accidental—it’s structural. Acknowledging it would mean reckoning with the depth of what’s been taken for granted. And yet, the world runs on this unseen labor. Naming it doesn’t just make it visible—it makes it undeniable.
Beautiful piece—I truly loved the image you created! ❤️
Your writing today deeply resonates with my thoughts on today’s celebration. I am celebrating the women who shaped my life as a child and accompanied me into adulthood—silently, through missed opportunities, through paths traced and followed with diligence, without noise. Together, we celebrate those women who didn’t have enough space but created the conditions for others to bloom.
Emanuela,
Thank you. The quiet strength of those who came before us—who held space even when they had none for themselves—deserves more than a passing mention. They shaped so much, not always in ways that were seen, yet their impact remains. Today is for them, too.
I have been walking around in a rage for months and months and this piece just sums it up beautifully. I am living this in my home as the care giver to multiple elderly white men. Ugh. Yes we need to be talking about this more and finding answers to the questions you posed.
Amanda, I hear you. That kind of rage—the kind that doesn’t fade but just keeps simmering—I know it well. Living it up close, day in and day out, only adds to the weight. There aren’t easy answers, but naming it, putting it into words, refusing to let it go unseen—that’s a start. You’re not alone in this.
“Girls? Girls were raised to adapt. To maintain. To be prepared to take responsibility for whatever men did not want to deal with. They were trained to be the support system, the caregivers, the ones who kept everything running without expecting recognition.”
So true. I grew up with three older brothers in the 1970s. It continues to dawn on me how my voice as a girl — and a highly sensitive artist — was “shushed.” Yet, now, they come to ME for advice. Interesting.
Cathryn, the word choice alone carries weight, whether intentional or not. In America, no matter how old you are—I vividly remember binge-watching the Golden Girls in the 80s—you are a girl, not a woman. Meanwhile, boys become men.
And that difference? It’s not just linguistic.
And girls? Girls have no power. Girls stay small. Girls don’t raise their voices, especially not against male authority. Girls are expected to comply, to accommodate, to please. It’s ingrained so deeply that even now, it shapes how we are perceived and how we navigate the world.
And yes, many highly sensitive girls grow up fawning, people-pleasing, learning that their survival depends on staying quiet and agreeable. That doesn’t just disappear with age. It lingers, woven into identity, into every moment of self-expression.
I know it’s just habit, because… well, because. And still.
Sorry if I’m a bit over the top here, a bit overgeneralized, not as sophisticated as you might be used to. I guess in some way, it plays into my trauma triggers as well, which is why I feel so strongly about it. And that’s the thing—this isn’t just a habit, just a word. It’s a reflection of something much deeper. And it matters.
Hi Jay,
I love all the highlights that you brought out in this piece. The essential aspect of recognition to then be able to decide what or how something can change, that it isn’t just about celebrating progress. As for sure, progress has been made, but seeing clearly the way in which we are still denied so many liberties that others take for granted.
Great peace I don’t know if you got to read mine?
I’m going to be thinking about your goal to leave your country by the end of 2025. Will you have a work visa or that kind of thing?
Yes, unfair and unpaid labor as in prison, sex workers, and most anyone who isn’t white privilege. Not to mention those with disabilities that don’t even get the opportunity.
🔥🌹🔥
Prajna,
I appreciate your words and the way you expand on the layers of recognition—not just as a means to celebrate progress but as a necessary lens to see what still needs to change. That clarity is everything.
And yes—unpaid and undervalued labor is a system-wide theft, especially for those who are already denied basic liberties. The weight of that injustice is staggering.
Since I’m applying for a disability pension, I won’t officially be allowed to work. I can still create—write, photography, art, maybe workshops, cooking and baking bread on the side—but not in the way most define work.
And I will be leaving without a fixed destination. Depending on my pension, I might qualify for a pensionista visa in Costa Rica, Bali, Seychelles, or Madagascar. Mexico and New Zealand could be options through a digital nomad visa. And in many places, I can stay for at least three, sometimes six months before moving on.
I am still in chronic trauma and I do not feel it possible to make the decision that might determine where I want to spend the rest of my life from a position of chronic trauma. So I am going to visit friends first, to become post-traumatic and decide from there. I always loved to travel and though I like amenities I can live without them. Much might also depend and how much money I am still left with after having sold almost everything in my possession right now and having paid of my debts. That might either curb some possibilities or open up others I am currently not considering.
And who knows? I might meet the second love of my life and unexpectedly end up married.
Your piece is still on my to-read list—otherwise, you’d have heard from me already. I never read without responding.
🔥🌹🔥
Awww Jay. I love how deeply you reflect on everything and I’m excited about the trajectory of your life and the possibilities known and unknown that are ahead of you. I’d love to have a conversation with you sometime as I may have some ideas. I want to tell you I listen to your audio as I was prepping my girls for the day and in the end where you play music, and you are for lack of better word doing a CTA. The music is too loud. At least I wasn’t able to hear your words so this might be the case for other people and of course we want to hear your words more than the music. Good taste of music by the way, thank you
Prajna, thank you for that feedback. I will check and re-adjust. It sounded right when I created that part and I might have inadvertently changed some settings. And I'd love to talk to you some time and hear your ideas.
What an important and powerfully argued piece, Jay. I agree with all that you say here and we must do all we can to dismantle the structures that demean & disregard women’s labor and give girls & women (and as you say those socialized to be women) every possibility to reach their full potential. How can I help in the most meaningful way?
Amy, I appreciate your solidarity and the depth of your engagement. The most meaningful way to help is to make this labor visible—wherever you have influence. Acknowledge it, name it, challenge the structures that rely on it staying unseen. If you’re in spaces where decisions are made, ask the questions that disrupt the status quo: Who is doing the unseen work here? Who benefits from it? Who is given recognition, and who is simply expected to keep things running?
If you’re familiar with Vipassana meditation and the practice of noticing, it’s a bit like that. Naming what we experience—not silently, but out loud, always twice. Thinking. Thinking. Unpaid Labor. Unpaid Labor. No Acknowledgement. No Acknowledgement. Underpayment. Underpayment. Most structures lack awareness, not on a theoretical level, but in a tangible, down-to-earth way. The first step isn’t necessarily fixing everything at once—it’s noticing. And then, it’s stopping.
Stop picking up the slack. Stop doing the work that others ignore. Leave it. Let people see what isn’t getting done. One of my therapists once told me, *"You know, Jay, if you keep hanging up hammocks and ask your employees to nap in them, why are you surprised if they do? Stop hanging up hammocks."* Translating: stop doing their work, stop picking up their slack, stop helping them finish earlier, stop stepping in when they haven’t asked for help. Let them sit with their own work. If they want your help, let them ask. Don’t offer.
Beyond that, supporting women financially—whether through direct contributions, amplifying their work, or advocating for policies that value care labor—is crucial. If there’s a specific angle that resonates with you, let’s talk about how we can push this forward together.
This has given me much food for thought thank you Jay. I liked learning about Vipassana and how it can be translated to speaking up in our personal and public spaces. As a professional writer & career journalist this is how I best see my opportunity to contribute to change. I am going to think about that further. Currently I am going through a bit of a medical crisis with a severe low back pain issue so need to heal & conserve my energies. But you have planted an idea & let’s return to it when I have more capacity.
Amy, I know low back pain all too well and how it drains energy. Interestingly, I’ve had less and less of it since truly tending to my mental health—combining that with embodiment has made a real difference. I don’t know anything about your condition, but maybe there’s something in that connection that gives pause.
I appreciate you sharing your thoughts on Vipassana and how it relates to speaking up. The way you see your role as a writer and journalist in creating change resonates. When you’re feeling stronger and have more capacity, I’d love to return to this conversation. Wishing you the space and rest you need to heal.
Thank you for this. I am in the midst of this struggle now in a really fundamental way. Like fighting to get free but having to do it slowly, strategically, mindfully...it's like a grinding, exhausting kind of liberation, not like the way we see in Hollywood movies or the way it's talked about so freely on Instagram...I no longer believe that any of these systems can be reformed. They must be burned down to the ground. I used to be into that work, but it is exhausting and quite dangerous actually. The good part is, that they seem to be doing that all by their ownsome and at the same time, I can be building something with all of you out of their view, off to the side. I think we need to be making very bold moves...but not moves that engage the machine, that is a waste of energy and I don't really have time or energy to waste anymore.
Mx. PunkRogers, I hear you. That slow, grinding kind of liberation—the kind that isn’t glamorous, isn’t cinematic, but unfolds through relentless persistence—is the real work. It’s exhausting. It takes everything. And I understand stepping away from the idea that these systems can be reformed. They weren’t built to serve us. There’s power in redirecting energy away from engaging the machine and instead focusing on what can be built outside of its reach. Bold moves that don’t waste energy feeding a broken system—that resonates. I’m right there with you. I also agree that engaging with the system often leads nowhere, and some people are actively reinforcing its decay. But when I step back and look at history, I see that major shifts don’t happen in a vacuum. Some ideas persist for centuries, surviving under oppression, waiting for the moment when conditions make change unavoidable. The Enlightenment in the 18th century brought democracy into the mainstream, shifting power structures in ways that seemed impossible before. The Renaissance in the 14th century ignited new ways of thinking and set the stage for exploration and expansion. These weren’t overnight transformations—they built over time, accumulating pressure until something had to give. Right now, everything is accelerating. The old systems are clinging to relevance, pushing back with everything they have, because they sense what’s coming. Every major shift in history has been preceded by a resurgence of the old order—one last desperate attempt to maintain control before collapse. The two world wars of the last century nudged the system but didn’t break it entirely. Now, something deeper is brewing. The cracks are widening. I don’t know exactly what’s next, but I know we’re standing at the edge of it.
👏👏👏👏👏👏 Well done Jay 🙌 this essay says ( beautifully and eloquently ) , what needs to be said again and again and again , until finally this unpaid labour is recognised for the crucial role that it has always , and continues to play in our society and in our world. I am deeply gratified to see that in the young women I know, they are very cognisant of this. They simply don’t engage in the system like I so unwittingly did when I was a young woman. I have raised two beautiful sons who are both fierce advocates and champions of equality at home and at work . Let’s hope their generation does a better job of valuing themselves and their contribution 🌸💚💛🧡❤️🩷💙🖤
Pippa, thank you. The persistence of this issue—the fact that it still needs to be said again and again—speaks volumes. Unpaid labor has been the backbone of society, yet it remains dismissed, expected, invisible. I’m heartened to hear that the young women you know are refusing to engage with the system in the ways we once did. That awareness, that unwillingness to play along, is a shift.
And raising sons who are fierce advocates? That’s no small thing. That’s change happening in real time, shaping the future in ways we may not yet see. I hold onto the same hope—that their generation values themselves and their contributions in ways that break these old cycles.
I also wonder if South Africa’s own history plays a role in shaping that awareness. Growing up in a system that was so visibly and undeniably inhumane might create a different kind of mindset, one that recognizes oppression for what it is and refuses to be complicit. The philosophy of Ubuntu—this deep sense of interconnectedness—stands in stark contrast to the individualism that drives so many Western narratives. That lived experience, that history, is something no American has had to endure in the same way. Maybe that’s part of why the younger generation there sees through these structures so clearly.
Good article!
Thank you, Diana. I am glad this essay found resonance within you.