I see you Jay! I read each word with my whole heart. What a difficult season of life for you. And I do not wish to diminish your pain and struggle. This is real and you deserve to feel it all and have it all heard. But it also sounds like you are waking up and seeing how you haven’t been there for yourself. This is so fucking painful to see, as often it takes a disaster for the seeing to come. Don’t lose sight of this seeing. This season will not last forever. Brighter days will come. Believe this, even against all belief. You are so loved. And I’m so glad you shared your story here. ❤️🙏🏻❤️
Your words land like a lifeline, grounding me in this whirlwind of grief, change, and profound realization. You’ve captured something so painfully true—this awakening to how I haven’t been there for myself unfolds even more. I am standing in the aftermath of a storm, surrounded by wreckage, and finally seeing the whole neglected foundation beneath it all.
It is excruciating, yes, but also strangely liberating. Your encouragement to hold onto this seeing, even as everything is still uncertain, is a gift I deeply cherish. I needed to hear this, to believe that brighter days will follow, even when belief is only partly accessible.
Thank you for reading my story with your whole heart and reflecting back such kindness and clarity. Your support, Lila, is a light in this dark season. I feel seen, loved, and so grateful for this connection.
Wow! Jay! And the words in your reply nourish me so much. When someone truly sees me, I can’t help but shed tears.
In the name of transparency, I too am standing amidst the wreckage of parts of an unlived life and seeing the unconscious patterns come into the light.
It might not feel like it, but we are not being hurt…we are being helped and I’m so glad we have each other to lend tender hearing to, along with fierce pointing.
Your openness moves me deeply, and I’m honored that my words could nourish you as much as yours have grounded me.
Your transparency about standing amidst your own wreckage and bringing unconscious patterns into the light is so powerful. It reminds me that in this shared vulnerability, we find not just solace but strength. To know that we are not alone in these hard truths—that we are somehow being helped rather than hurt—is a perspective I am learning to embrace, moment by moment.
Thank you for your fierce pointing and tender hearing, for holding this space with me and reminding me to NOTICE, LOVE, and REMEMBER.
And remember, when a moment feels overwhelming, remember PAST:
Pause: Create space to breathe and step out of reactivity.
Acknowledge: Name what you’re feeling or experiencing without judgment.
Soften: Gently bring kindness and ease to the moment, connect with your body.
Tend: Care for yourself with a supportive, nurturing action.
Jay! Every exchange gets richer and richer. I loved what you shared above. About 2 years ago I noticed my system began to throw off the traditional concepts of divinity and I felt an extremely strong pull in my Heart for connection with the Earth. I longed for years for the earth to be animated in my body. And the belonging is being born here. I am so happy about this. Grounded. Here in my body, belonging to Nature, being Nature. Indescribable. I am so happy that you see me where I am. I lost connection with some close friends along the way they believed I had somehow gotten off the path. I’ve never felt more on the path, my path than now. I don’t know where it’s going…and I don’t need to. I am held. I am safe. I belong here…
Dear Lila, Your words continue to deepen this exchange in such meaningful ways. I truly admire the clarity and groundedness you’ve found in connecting with the Earth and embracing your path, even when others might not understand it. There’s something so powerful in staying true to yourself, even when it challenges the expectations of those around you. Belonging to Nature, being Nature—it’s such a profound realization. That sense of being held and safe without needing to know exactly where the path leads resonates deeply with me. It’s a reminder that alignment with our own truth often is far more “on the path” than anything external ever could. It is our inner compass and our conscience, the inner truth of who we are. Thank you for sharing this journey and for seeing me as I am. I value this space where we can reflect, connect, and explore together. I’m grateful for the richness of this exchange and look forward to where it takes us next.
With appreciation and care, you are deeply appreciated Love to you Jay ❤️
Gosh! Jay! The richness of your reply. Just YUMMY! Allowing it to wash through me. I’m speechless in seeing such beauty being born from such wreckage. Proves that we are never ever abandoned, no matter how things appear…The ever present Divine Mother never leaves Her child. Only “in Her wisdom” hides her face from time to time.
Your words resonate deeply, echoing what has become a quiet truth in my life: even the crumbling, the wreckage, holds its own purpose. Like trauma itself, the rising from ashes—again and again—has woven itself into the fabric of my existence, not as a wish, but as a lived knowing. Six times now, I have walked through the fire, and each time, I’ve come to understand that what comes will also pass.
Tara Brach’s words ring true here: “This too belongs” and “This too will pass.” Both are reminders that even in the hardest moments, there is something of value, something fleeting yet essential.
And so, we NOTICE the wreckage, LOVE the broken pieces, and REMEMBER that no storm lasts forever. In the space between destruction and renewal, we are somehow held. This is a truth I have already experienced more times than I cared to.
Thank you for walking this path alongside me, for seeing me and allowing me to see you in return. Together, we are proving that even the hardest seasons hold a quiet, transformative grace.
Forgive me, when I am not relating as much to the Divine Mother in my response. After surviving a toxic abusive relationship with my mother and my father each of their own, my references tend to not tie to family. Thank you for your understanding. I agree with the contents.
Jay, that makes perfect sense to me re: Divine Mother. I feel the same around the term God, the Father, and really almost all religious and “too” spiritual words. I’m too easily taken out of my body, and I think that’s why I’ve fallen deeply in love with the Earth. She’s my muse and greatest teacher. 🌳
Thank you for your understanding and for sharing that with me. Your connection to the Earth as your muse and teacher resonates deeply with me. It's a grounding force that transcends labels and titles, one that offers a quiet yet powerful reminder that we are always held, no matter how much we may struggle to find ourselves in the traditional concepts of divinity. The Earth speaks in ways words sometimes fail to, and I too find comfort in her embrace.
As we continue to walk alongside one another, I hope we can both continue to find spaces where we feel whole and safe, where the language of healing is one that comes from within, unburdened by the expectations or histories of others.
Thank you for witnessing me, and for offering your reflections with such honesty. I'm grateful for this exchange and the grounding we both seem to be seeking in our own ways.
Ohh Jay, i have just watched your video. You are a treasure to our beloved community. Your words, your presence is important to us. I am so sorry to know that you are in so much pain right now and that you have to endure new hardships. I am sending you lots of love and light ✨I don’t know how life works, but i often experience magics happening after disasters happened in my life. Keep the mystery alive in your life, my friend!
Lise, thank you so much for your kind and heartfelt words. It means so much to hear that my presence here matters, especially in a moment when everything feels so heavy.
I resonate deeply with what you said about magic often following disaster. This feels like one of those moments—a time when everything is being stripped away, perhaps to make space for something new. I’m holding onto that sense of mystery, trusting that even in the midst of this chaos, something transformative might emerge.
My dear Jay, I'm so sorry it took me a whole day to get to this post. I watched the video, and my heart ached for you, for the pain that you're in. I read a bunch of the comments, and resonated so deeply with the reference to Mark Nepo. The sense that I get is that you are making such deep connections here, and I'm so grateful to be one of your new friends. We are here, excuse me, I am here for you, to talk, to listen, to hand you a virtual handkerchief when your tears flow. I see your tears. I see your pain. I feel it and I know something. What I know is that you are a gentle warrior. You said it yourself. You've given up. You are on the threshold of a new life, a new beginning, though it may be hard to see or feel with all of you. Keep doing what you're doing, being your amazing, vulnerable, honest, eloquent, wise self. Sending you the biggest hug I have. Let me know if you want to talk. I'm around.
Your words wrap around me with such care and understanding, offering a depth of connection I deeply value. Thank you for watching the video and taking the time to share this thoughtful and compassionate message.
Mark Nepo’s wisdom resonates so profoundly—the notion of laying down what we’ve carried to move into something new is guiding me through this challenging transition. Your recognition of this threshold, this space where endings and beginnings intersect, offers reassurance as I navigate what’s next.
To be called a “gentle warrior” by you is both humbling and affirming. Thank you for truly seeing me, for holding space, and for offering such steadfast support. Knowing that someone is here, willing to listen and share the weight of this moment, strengthens me in ways words can’t fully capture.
I’m sending gratitude and warmth to you, Nan. Your kindness shines as a beacon, reminding me that connection like this is what sustains us.
I watched your video and want you to know that you’re valued in this community. Your words have provided healing in my life transitions. I have often felt that when seeking authentic healing, life sometimes brings the most challenging circumstances. In those moments life seems overwhelming and impossible, but forces you to rise up and make the necessary changes for genuine healing to take place. It isn’t until after going through those difficult times, that it becomes apparent those circumstances were needed.
I want to remind you of your own beautiful words that helped me:
…Let me be clear, Sweetie: positivity doesn’t mean bypassing the dark parts of your canyon.
It means finding strength in walking through them, allowing the shadows to teach you about the layers of your own heart. You don’t have to choose between truth and light—they exist together, always. One makes the other possible.
And when you stumble, when positivity feels out of reach?
Know this: your worth does not depend on your ability to see the bright side.
You are no less worthy in your sorrow than in your joy. You are loved equally in every shade of yourself.
Positivity is not the avoidance of reality—it’s the quiet rebellion of choosing to believe in beauty anyway. It’s the acknowledgment that life, even in its harshest moments, carries the possibility of growth, connection, and grace…
Lisa, your words have touched me deeply, and I am in awe of this moment—having my own words come back to me when I needed them most. Thank you for seeing me and for reminding me of the truths I have spoken before but momentarily forgot in the midst of this storm.
Today has been one of those overwhelming moments, where everything feels impossible to hold. And yet, the connection, kindness, and reflections like yours have given me the strength to sit with it all—the grief, the loss, the sorrow, even the anger and powerlessness.
Your reminder of my own words is a gift I didn’t know I needed: “You are no less worthy in your sorrow than in your joy.”
I am holding those words close as I navigate this unfolding messiness. And I realize now, through this community and through your generosity, that I truly can walk through the shadows, let them teach me, and still find strength in the light.
Thank you for being here, for holding space, and for showing me what authentic connection and compassion make possible. Sending love and gratitude right back to you. ♥️
Oh Jay, I see your profound pain and disorientation. My heart breaks with yours. Let us help you carry this. I know it's not the same as if we could sit with you on that couch, holding your hand and making you soup, but we can still hold you, friend. This is so heavy, and I'm so incredibly proud of you for showing up with courage and authenticity. It's clear to me how incredibly, inherently loveable you are, even and especially in your "rock bottom ". May you find peace beyond understanding, friend. We're here and we're not going anywhere. 🤍💙
Kendall, your words are a warm hug, a mug of hot chocolate and a warm blanket on a dark cold winter night (quite true). Thank you for seeing me, for offering to help carry this weight, even from a distance. The image of sitting together, sharing soup, and holding hands brought tears to my eyes—it’s the kind of care that feels like home, even in its imagined form.
This is heavy, yes, but knowing that you and others here are holding space for me is helping immensely. This was long in the making, and I think today, I knew it was the risk I was willing to take when I stepped down a year ago. It was not if, rather when. Your reminder of inherent lovability, even in the midst of what feels like “rock bottom,” is one I’ll carry with me. It’s astonishing how connection, even virtual, can anchor us when everything feels unsteady. Thank you for your kindness, your encouragement, and for staying. It means more than words can express.
You've got me all teared up now! You truly are the best, and not because of what you give or how much you do, just because of how the light shines through you. ✨️
Liebe Jay, thank you for your opennness. Es tut mir sehr leid, dass Du gerade eine schwere Zeit durchmachst. Trotz des Schmerzes sehe ich aber auch Deinen Mut, Deine Kraft und Deine Hoffnung.
On January 1st, I read a passage in Marc Nepo’s The Book of Awakening that reminded me of something important. He described a man trying to open a door without putting down the things he was carrying. The man struggled until he lost his grip, stumbled backward, and fell. Reflecting on this, Marc Nepo wrote: “We [often] refuse to put down what we carry in order to open the door. Time and time again, we are offered the chance to truly learn this: We cannot hold on to things and enter. We must put down what we carry, open the door, and then take up only what we need to bring inside.”
Dear Jay, what if the insolvency of the company is meant to give you freedom? What if it’s liberating you for something new? I don’t mean to sound overly optimistic, but I trust that you will find your way—and that this challenging time will support the healing journey you’ve mentioned.
You spoke about the journey of the phoenix, and I wholeheartedly believe that, like the phoenix, you too will rise from the ashes. I believe in you, dear Jay.
Some time ago, I’ve written a poem about the phoenix rising from the ashes. I’m sharing it with you here in case it brings you some encouragement: https://rosejah.substack.com/p/you-the-phoenix.
Viele liebe Grüße, und lass Dich nicht unterkriegen!
Liebe Rose, ganz herzlichen Dank für deine lieben Worte und dein Mitgefühl. I cannot express enough gratitude for the compassion, encouragement, and insight you’ve shared. To feel seen in this way, particularly by a fellow creative voice with ties to Germany, is a gift I didn’t expect but treasure immensely.
The Marc Nepo quote you referenced resonated a lot. The universe conspiring to remind me of a truth I’ve been circling for years: to walk through a door into something new, I must first lay down what I’ve been carrying. Yesterday, I unknowingly did just that. In allowing my most authentic self to emerge fully for the first time in over 46 years, I also put down the heavy backpack that others had loaded onto me—stones of their expectations, missed dreams, the toxic shame and burdens I had no obligation to bear. It’s liberating, though it comes with grief for the life I’m leaving behind.
Danke, dass Du dein wundervolles Gedicht mit mir geteilt hast. Du hast eine wunderschöne Stimme. Your poem about the phoenix rising from the ashes brought tears to my eyes. I had been there six times in my life before. You obviously have been there as well. It was written for this exact moment in my life. Seeing myself mirrored in your words—a being rising anew from the ashes—is profoundly affirming and empowering.
The number 7 has always held meaning for me, symbolizing completion, introspection, and transformation. Realizing that this moment represents stepping into my seventh life is the culmination of everything that came before. They say it is associated with intuition, inner wisdom, and spiritual awakening. Many see it as a bridge between the material and the spiritual worlds. So it indeed is a closing of one chapter and the opening of a new one, full of possibility and hope.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful poem. I have just subscribed to you and I’m so looking forward to exploring more of your work and deepening this connection. Whether you’re living in Germany or exploring the world, I’m grateful our paths have crossed.
With all my gratitude and warmth, I see the light in you. 🙏
Dear Jay, I just watched your video, I hope you know how much you mean to this wonderful community. You are simply one of the most supportive, most articulate and wise voices here. You care about us, support us and we care about you too. I’m deeply sorry things are so difficult. At the worst time of my life I didn’t see any hope or way forward, but sometimes when we least expect it,and most need it, there’s an opening, things shift, and you see one tiny positive that you can hang on to and build on. You are not alone Jay, I love you and so do many others. I’m so glad you reached out, you should be proud of the courage and tenacity you possess. Hang in there, and keep doing what helps you, like writing and connecting. You have a lot of people who care for you. Take good care of yourself and Monty. 🩵
Your words touched me deeply. Thank you for taking the time to watch my video and to reflect so kindly on what I’ve shared.
Hearing that my presence here is meaningful and that I’m part of this incredible community of care gives me strength in a way I can’t quite express.
In reflecting about the video, I found myself having share something extraordinary—the first-ever expression of the 100% true self Jay in my 56.4 years of life. This realization is profound.
For so long, I thought such authenticity was out of reach, buried under years of toxic shame and giving everything I had to others, of being consumed by expectations, and of losing myself in the process. Now, life has brought me to a doorstep littered with the remains of a life that once was, a consequence of having sold my soul to please, to perform, to belong.
But here’s the truth: what those remains reveal is the true, freed Jay.
Only a year ago, I could barely grasp 2% of this self. Then my 2024 intentions—healing, authenticity, and expression—began their work. This year’s intentions of healing, connection, and authorship are already bearing fruit in ways I never imagined.
What is unfolding now is not just the grief, loss, and upheaval of the life I once knew but also an extraordinary wave of kindness, compassion, and emotional support. Ripples of connection have reached me, weaving themselves around me in a way that feels like a warm embrace I had long given up on finding.
Monty and I are hanging in there, and knowing I have people like you in my corner makes all the difference. I will keep writing, keep connecting, and keep holding onto this community that has already given me so much hope.
Thank you for your love, care, and unwavering kindness. It means more than I can say.
You are not alone, Jay! The unraveling happening right now is deep and affecting so many of us. I'm going through something very similar right now that has put my whole livelihood at risk. Yet, there's a profound knowing that this is part of the process of letting go that I've been praying for. I wished it came with more ease, but learning to accept how it's manifested and witnessing all the wounds that are seeing the light for me to finally witness and tend to them.
What a blessing that you're finding solace in this community. It's your words and loving presence that have brought us to you. That will only continue to grow, and I know it will bring so many unexpected blessings into your life.
Ana, I hear you. That deep unraveling, the one that shakes everything we thought was solid—it’s a lot. And yet, there’s this undercurrent of knowing, of something shifting toward truth. I won’t pretend it’s easy. Letting go rarely is, especially when it threatens the very structures that held us upright for so long.
I see you tending to those wounds, witnessing what was once hidden. That alone is powerful. And yes, finding this community, this space where we can exist as we are, has been a gift. Your presence here matters too, Ana. We’re walking this path alongside each other, even when the way forward feels unclear.
Dear Jay, I am just watching your video as I was away when you posted it. I'm sorry it took me so long. I see you and my heart breaks for you. I am sending you a hug from afar and much love and light. You are an important voice in this community and I feel blessed to have met you here. Watching your video brought me back to the years I was so alone and wondering what would come next. I had lost everything due to illness- my career, my home, colleagues and friends soon followed. I was blessed to have my dog and my parents at the time who heped me get back on my feet, but that was just the first season of loss. I've experieinced many losses over the past three decades including my marriage, another business, that like you I poured myself into for my spouse, only to lose it all. With each seaon of loss I questioned what else could possibly come next. There were many days that I was unable to take one step forward, but through therapy, coaching and mentoring, I reclaimed myself. That is not to say I have all the answers, becasue I do not. I don't believe anyone does. But I have faith and I remain hopeful for the future because of the skills I've honed. Your vulnerability and authencity are the basis for your resiliency, although you may not feel it right now. Your courage lies deep within you yet this awakening and healing is so very painful. Please know that while you may sit alone in your room, there are many who are with you and support you. I am here if you would like to talk or meet. I understand how painful this time is and there is no easy way out, but there is a way forward. I believe you have what you need to find it. Please do not lose hope. Remember to breath, remember you are strong, and most of all remember you are loved.❤️
Thank you for taking the time to watch, to witness, to reach out. Your words hold the weight of someone who *knows*—not just in theory, but in bone and breath. Loss strips us bare, again and again, until there’s nothing left but the raw truth of who we are underneath it all.
I hear the echoes in your story—how illness, circumstance, and devotion to something outside of yourself pulled everything away, leaving you standing in the wreckage, wondering what could possibly remain. And yet, here you are. Not just standing, but offering your voice, your experience, your presence. That in itself is a testament to the resilience that grows in the hollowed-out spaces.
I don’t have all the answers either. Maybe that’s not the point. Maybe it’s about sitting with the questions, learning to breathe inside them. Learning that being stripped of everything doesn’t mean we are nothing. It just means we are in the in-between. And in that space, as unbearable as it can be, something new is forming.
And in losing everything, I think I found the most precious thing I have—my literal *Self*. The Self that was lost and inaccessible for 47 years. I had excavated 80% by then, yet those last 20% remained elusive—until that video. During that moment, every remaining facade and mask fell away, and for the first time in 47 years, my unabashedly true Self emerged. No pretense, no mask, no facade. Just me. 100%. And I am deeply grateful for that.
Yes, the river remains full of rapids, sometimes with debris floating in it, and I will make it through. By now, I know the only feasible option for healing is to ultimately and finally leave this country that was never mine. The weeks since, and the rapids I have mastered in that time, have brought me that clarity. *Where to*—that is something I will probably only be able to decide once I am no longer in chronic trauma, day in and day out, from the society I live in.
Thank you for your kindness, your understanding, your willingness to share your own journey. I take that to heart. And I’m breathing.
You're right that loss strips us bare, until there is nothing left but the truth of who we are. Some never learn that truth. I feel graetful, like you that I did. I wish there was an easier way, but as you said so eloquently, "learning that being stripped of everything doesn't mean we are nothing." Far from it. We are MORE. And while we may sit in the in-between for some time, you will walk forward as the the new unfolds and embrace each step. The unknown is filled with fear, but when you're your true self, the fear lessens and the possibilities unforld before you.
Your gratitude for finding your Self is evident and will carry you when if you falter or question the next step. I am certain that you will find your 'where-to" although the first stop may be just one of many.
Thank you for sharing the journey as you shed your facade. I would love to talk more and welcome you to contribute to The power of Change if and when you feel you would like to. Your perspective is much needed and I'd like to share it with my community. Continuing to send you love and light and look forward to discussing how we can work together.
Actually, Tracy, walking into the so-called unknown will be the fulfillment of a longing I’ve had since 1982. It has returned in irregular intervals over the years, never lessening. So, this feels less like stepping into uncertainty and more like finally walking into liberation—from a trauma that still assaults me daily, even if only on a subtle level. My body feels it. Almost no interactions with people in my current daily life (except therapists) exist without reinforcing old trauma. Viewed that way, anything else can only be better.
I’ve already lived four months outside this system and was deeply sorry to return. The first two weeks were difficult, but I found a TCM practitioner who prescribed Chinese herbs, and within five days, the fog lifted—never to return for the rest of that journey.
I know how I will feel once I’ve finally left, because I’ve felt it time and time again. Every time I’ve traveled solo to a place where I wasn’t surrounded by German speakers, I experienced that liberation. It was like stepping into an alternate reality—one that felt more real, more tangible, more mine. Maybe, in those fleeting moments, I even touched the parts of myself that have remained inaccessible. The memories are still elusive, so I can’t say for sure.
I’m looking forward to the potentiality that might unfold and to the serendipity that could grace me in the wake of it.
My heart feels both broken and full hearing you share Jay. Thank you so much for your gift of vulnerability. Where you are right now is so familiar to me. Last year as I began to come out of my own dark night of the soul, I found myself in a similar reckoning to help me make sense of it. I created something I call the spiral funnel tunnel, which became a way to grasp what I was going through. Now, as I stand with tears in my eyes from having just watched your video, I hold so much hope for you. This place here in the reckoning is extraordinarily painful, dark and lonely, but you are not alone. I think you already know that it also holds such profound possibility for transformation. If you’re interested in the model I mentioned, I started writing about it in my latest post on recovering from trauma. It’s designed for any kind of recovery, including the kind of profound loss you are describing. I’ll message you now. I would love to connect.
Thank you so much for your kind and heartfelt response. Your words are an open hand extended in understanding, and I deeply appreciate that. As I sit with what you’ve shared, I realize that the event itself has already transformed me—it wasn’t an ending at all but more of a beginning. From what I can see now, true transformation doesn’t allow for holding onto the old. It’s a full reckoning, requiring us to let go of the ways we’ve been living to step fully into something new.
I’m always curious to learn from others—what has worked for them, how they’ve survived, and how they’ve found ways to integrate profound challenges. Your spiral funnel tunnel sounds fascinating, and I would love to hear more about it.
For me, this isn’t the first time I’ve faced a deep reckoning. It feels like the 7th installment of a pattern—each time taking me to the lowest points I thought I could reach. Loss, whether from illness, accidents, or unexpected shifts, has shaped my life. And yet, there’s something about being here, in this raw and tender space, that feels so beautifully open, fertile, and full of possibility.
Your insight about transformation resonates deeply. I may not know much about your funnel yet, but the understanding that transformation requires release feels both familiar and enduring. I look forward to learning more from you and continuing this connection.
Oh my dear Jay, your vulnerability is so powerful, and there is so much power in voicing your pain and releasing it rather than holding it all in and Letters from Love and the Substack community have showed me this. There is freedom in it, even if we are chained down by fear, pain, regret, anger, disappointment, and yes even bankruptcy, when you release the pain and share your story and tell someone instead of allowing it to eat away at you and destroy you then immediately you break it's hold over you and just by doing that you are the Phoenix rising from the ashes, you are rising above it all, refusing to allow your pain to silence you. I heard everything you said about living for everyone else and I want to encourage you: It is never too late, you have found us: your fellow Lovelets and Substack community and you are loved and held in arms of love and words of love and encouragement, there is no judgement here or finger pointing, there is only love. Who knows what is around the corner for you still, maybe you will still get the opportunity to travel, or start something new, anything is possible, I believe that for you. 💐
It is truly wonderful to feel seen so deeply and acknowledged with such warmth and care. Samantha, your words are a balm to the soul. Thank you for recognizing the courage in vulnerability and for reminding me of the power in releasing pain instead of letting it consume us.
Your reflection on freedom—even amidst fear, pain, regret, and so many other struggles—resonates so deeply. To hear that sharing our stories can loosen pain’s grip and allow us to rise, like a Phoenix from the ashes, feels both empowering and affirming.
I am grateful for this space, for the Letters from Love, and for the Substack community that has embraced me with love and without judgment. Your encouragement means so much, and your belief in the possibilities ahead sparks hope in me. Thank you for your kindness, your faith, and for holding this space of love and connection.
Dear Jay, I just watched your video because I was in the mountains and I didn’t have Internet connection. I’m so sorry for your pain, I’m so sorry for this blow that you don’t deserve. Listening to you I was thinking that you are so brave sharing this, sharing your truth, being yourself, naked , authentic. This is so powerfulJay. . I also thought that this blow is a blessing in disguise, is the result of your healing, of your evolution. Now you are in a different level of vibration, now you are in the way of love , acceptance and compassion. You are becoming more conscious and the world is changing around you to adapt to your new vibration. When changes are so sudden and so big it is very difficult to go through them, but I’m sure you can. You have the strength. As you know, I’ve been ill for four years now and they were days when I thought I couldn’t go on, that it was the end, but then I gave me the chance of one more day, and then one more, and I committed myself to trust life, even if it seemed that everything was terrible around me and getting worse. I choose to rust and love because I knew only good things could come out from this.t There was a moment when I felt a shift, a voice inside me told me that the nightmare was finishing and that from that moment on things would be better for me and so it was. Hold tight my dear, new opportunities are waiting for you and they will reveal themselves like a gift for you , the joy you deserve, the love you deserve. I’m here. I take you in my arms. Hope you’re feeling better.
Teresa, Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful words—they mean more than I can express. I know you’ve faced such immense pain yourself, and that makes your compassion and encouragement all the more profound. It’s true, isn’t it? When we’ve been to the very bottom, where there’s no floor below, we gain a unique ability to hold space for others in their pain. We know what it’s like to be unseen, unheard, and belittled. That shared understanding is a gift in itself, even when born of hardship.
There was a time in my life when I thought those 28 traumas I’ve endured were some kind of punishment. But now I understand that wasn’t my truth—it was what others wanted me to believe, a way to force me into compliance and obedience. That realization has been freeing in ways I never imagined. It has helped me see that, just as totalitarian leaders control nations, those dynamics can exist in personal lives too, whether in Germany, Spain, or the United States.
And yes, my Alexander Technique coach noticed a shift in me right away. She said I’m changed in a big way, and I feel it too. I like how you describe it as a shift in vibration, like the world adjusting itself around me as I step further into love, acceptance, and compassion. Trusting that things will evolve as they were meant to, and embracing patience along the way, is something I’m learning more each day.
Thank you for always being here, for encouraging me, and for reminding me to hold tight. Our connection through the Letter from Love community and beyond is truly a gift. I’m grateful for you and the light you bring to this journey, Teresa . Besos y abrazos. xoxo Jay
Dear Jay, as you say, when we have reached the bottom we become in some way guides for other people. Like a travel guide, we already know the way, the chasm, the narrow paths... because we have been there. I just received a letter from Love where they reminded me that when the fog is too thick the only thing you can do is look at your feet and the path even if you only see two feet ahead, taking small steps until the fog clears. The other day I had a strange dream, I wanted to go to my parents' flat and I had to take a lift, in the dream I wanted to go to the seventh floor, which is not the real flat where my parents lived. There were two lifts, one of them went to the ninth floor, it was narrow and people were in line so I could only see one person, the other elevator was a big room, it was actually a temple, a sacred place full of people, it was going to the twelfth floor and I thought I would rather take it and then I could look for the seventh. What I understood when I tried to figure out the meaning is that ascension is collective. I believe our community of Love is our temple and through care, compassion, acceptance and kindness we are ascending together. Goodnight, darling.
Teresa, your words about ascension being collective resonate so deeply. It’s incredible how so many of us—Gloria, Mesa, Jules, K., you, and myself—are arriving at this same realization from entirely different realities of life. What once sustained us no longer nourishes who we’ve become through our respective healing journeys. We’ve bent, knelt, twisted, and disappeared for others long enough. Enough is enough.
Your dream feels like a beautiful metaphor for the path many of us are walking now. That temple you described—the sacred space filled with people ascending together—is exactly how I see this community of Love we’ve built. Compassion, kindness, interconnectedness, and shared joy (*Mitfreude*) are the pillars of the world we’re envisioning. These aren’t just ideals; they’re necessities for the life we want to live and the places we want to inhabit.
I can understand why Costa Rica has become a beacon for so many. Its commitment to protecting its land, refusing to sell its soul to the highest bidder, offers a glimpse of what’s possible when care and sustainability guide decision-making. Similarly, parts of Europe are starting to re-wild their landscapes, reclaiming the nourishing earth that once was. It’s a reminder that healing isn’t just personal—it’s collective, and it extends to the land, the ecosystems, and everything that connects us.
What I find so moving is that despite our different circumstances, we’re all seeking the same essential truths. A place where we no longer have to disappear to be accepted. A life rooted in compassion, care, and a sense of shared humanity. Together, we’re rewriting the narrative, not just for ourselves but for the kind of world we want to leave behind.
Goodnight, Sweetheart. Thank you for sharing your dream—it’s a reminder of what’s possible when we ascend together.
I am sorry you are experiencing so many challenges all at once but see the fact that you were willing to be honest and share your pain here as evidence of your inner strength and wisdom. I believe you will find a path forward. It may be a long and difficult one (mine certainly has been!) but it will be worth the effort to reclaim your authentic self and honor your own needs. I wrote a post you may find helpful: https://wendigordon.substack.com/p/what-are-the-afgos-in-your-life-and
Here’s an excerpt from it:
I’ve experienced lots of Afgos (AFGO is Glennon Doyle’s acronym for Another Fucking Growth Opportunity) in the last few years. First, my husband and I unexpectedly lost our jobs during the pandemic. I became depressed and anxious. Financial realities (like a $200/month rent increase if we renewed our lease) forced us to accept a friend’s offer to let us move in with her and her husband.
Then she tested positive for COVID as we were en route. We stayed in a hotel and expected to move in the following week. But she was still sick then. Additional testing revealed that she had cancer, so we rented an apartment instead of moving in with them as planned. …
I’ve experienced remarkable personal growth as a result of my AFGOs. I’m grateful for that, but that doesn’t mean I’m grateful for the painful experiences that led to my growth. Those AFGOs may have been necessary, and they did teach me valuable lessons, but they also devastated and almost killed me. …
I wish there were easier ways to rediscover my authentic self and let her guide me, one baby step at a time, into the next chapter of my life. I’d much prefer to skip all of the losses and other difficult circumstances and make the journey to a better life without going through them first. …
I still have days when I don’t think I can endure my current AFGOs or the lingering pain from past ones.
On those days, I remind myself that I’ve thought that before and always found ways to not only survive but grow. I’ve started over and created a better life.
Glennon’s words near the end of Love Warrior can become a mantra for all of us:
I’ve finally unlearned enough. I have unbecome, and I am ready to begin again. …
I will not betray myself. I will trust the wisdom of the still, small voice. I will not let fear drown her out. I will trust her and I will trust myself. Love, Pain, Life: I am not afraid. I was born to do this.
——-
Hope these words bring you some comfort and encouragement, Jay.
Wendi, Thank you for your compassion and thoughtful encouragement.
Reading your words and Glennon Doyle’s excerpt is a balm for the rawness of this moment. The concept of AFGOs resonates deeply, not just as moments of pain but as the forging ground for resilience. Like you and Glennon, I see them as growth opportunities—hard-earned, often brutal, but transformative nonetheless.
My life has been a series of these moments, 28 individual life-changing experiences, including seven classified as significant traumas. Among them are the premature losses of four family members (at ages 41, 67, 29, and 64), a car accident, a suicide attempt, 8 years emotional land physical childhood abuse, and the nearly lifelong experience of exclusion, discrimination, and ostracization. Surviving and integrating about two-thirds of these has shaped me into someone others now call resilient, wise, or knowledgeable. Yet, I know this strength was born from necessity, not choice.
Until now, most of these experiences were met with pity or hollow reassurances: "It'll be fine," or "It can't be that bad; you're still alive." Those words, well-meaning as they might have been intended, left me feeling unseen and unheard. But this community has been a revelation. For the first time, I have been surrounded by kindness, compassion, and support—a net that caught me while I was still falling. Your message is part of that, and I am deeply grateful.
Because of this newfound compassion, I found myself able to reframe what happened much sooner than ever before. Yes, I’ve lost financial security, and everything I built over decades of allowing myself to be exploited—programmed by trauma and upbringing—is disappearing. That’s one perspective, valid and hard. But another perspective has also emerged: I have shed expectations and burdens that weren’t mine to carry—the unlived lives of my parents, my late partner, my employees. I see now that I was never truly living my own life.
Publishing that vulnerable video was a pivotal moment. Despite my upbringing and the internalized voices telling me otherwise, I followed my intuition. In doing so, I encountered something extraordinary: the first appearance of my 100% true self in over 46 years.
Until recently, I had recovered about 80% of my authentic self from under layers of toxic shame. But those last 20%—stubborn and deeply entrenched—resisted every effort. This experience, as painful as it is, cracked that final layer. I have found *me*. What greater gift could there be?
Yes, practical challenges remain. Finding a new place to work and live, I really would like to leave this country that brought me so much trauma behind, especially outside of the field that was intertwined with chronic trauma, is daunting. Yet maybe thought this community serendipity will strike. A retreat needing a generalist for all cases from cooking to weather frog maybe. And I am free from the expectation to return to those cycles. It mights takes time and I have to rely on German social security, I know this: I am not the person I was before.
Thank you for being part of this incredible community that has shown me compassion and kindness when I needed it most. You’ve reminded me that even amidst the hardest moments, there is hope, connection, and the possibility of rebirth.
Hi Jay, I watched your entire video, even rewinding and taking notes - I always find so many gems in your words. Thank you for sharing your circumstances, and I do hope you have felt your load lighten a bit. This is so much to carry, but I believe as do you, that while there is so much grief here for you, you can do it.. and you can and will continue on this healing journey that you started a year ago. You have so much to share with the world, and while I do not fully know your story, I have no doubt that it needs to be shared. So keep sharing, writing, talking because you belong here, and while you have not known your purpose, I can see that you have one. There is a lot of loneliness in the world, and your words are important. I am so glad that you found a way to reach out and let us know what is going on with you. And it is very nice to now put a lovely face and voice with the words that you write. I admire and respect you, and keep writing because writing has helped me thru the loneliness times of my life. It’s like a best friend that can fill up the emptiest of rooms. At least that has been my experience. So much love to you, Jay. Please keep us posted! Lots of love, Jessie .. aka Junebug Strong :)
Your kindness and generosity leave me speechless. Becoming a founding member of the Pride after just reading my words shows such a deep and immediate trust—it’s something I will treasure always.
Your message touched me profoundly. Knowing that you took the time to watch the entire video, rewind, and take notes truly humbles me. Your belief in my journey and your encouragement to keep sharing my story means more than I can express.
Loneliness has a way of carving deep spaces within us, but as you beautifully said, writing has a power to fill those spaces—it becomes a friend, a lifeline, a light in the emptiest of rooms. Your words remind me why I write, why I reach out, and why we’re all so much stronger when we share our truths.
Thank you for seeing me, for believing in me, and for becoming part of this journey. You inspire me to keep going, to keep writing, and to hold onto the purpose I am beginning to uncover.
I am honored to be a founding member, and I cannot wait to continue to follow you on your journey. As so many have said, you have an authenticity about you and are so magical in the way you support others through your words. You are truthful and raw, in a way that is beautiful and rare, and you are a gift to the community; and you are so strong - what comes to mind for me is this favorite quote of mine from Winnie the Pooh: you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think and loved more than you know. I am very excited to be a CUB.. is that what you would call members :) Yes... writing for me is a true lifeline, and how cool is it that the words we write can connect us to others so far away, and to people we would never know but, through this, we can hold onto one another close in our thoughts and hearts and share the common experience of being a human and healing in community. I am thinking of you, Jay so much and I hope today has been lighter for you.
Jessie, becoming a founding member of the Pride and sharing such beautiful thoughts about writing and connection it a bond I will always treasure. Thank you for seeing me, for encouraging me, and for walking alongside me on this journey.
I confess, I’ve never thought much about naming the members of the Pride. I’ve always considered us all Lion*esses—not as singular or gendered, but as a reflection of the strength and duality each of us carries within, beyond any defining categories. The idea of “Cub” is undeniably sweet, though I think I might reserve that for the many beloved pets—cats, dogs, and others—who remind us of home. For us grown-ups, we are all Lion*esses, roaring into the world with our truth.
I resonate so much with what you said about writing being a lifeline. It has been for me too—a way to write myself back to life. I’ve often thought of myself as that small Lioness, shy and hesitant, staying close to the familiar den. Step by step, as I wrote and explored more, that timid Lion*ess began to grow stronger. First, I ventured just beyond the cage, then further into the controlled habitat. Over time, the re-wilding happened, and now that Lion*ess is roaring their voice out into the world, exploring more of the vast savannah each day.
Your presence in the Pride and your kindness remind me how much strength comes from community and shared stories. Writing connects us across distance, and your words remind me of the power of that connection. Thank you Jessie for sharing your light, your favorite quote (one I adore too, it is truly fitting), and for holding space for this journey we are all on together.
I do agree the Cubs title is fitting for pets, I love being a Lion*ess. I can relate to what you said about leaving the cage.. but now I think you are much more suited for a nice comfortable den among us other Lion*nesses.
Yes, so much so. I just answered to @Gloria Horton-Young on a very personal thread, I adore her poetry and she also is a Big Lion*ess, my first founding member this: “Last January, I uncovered @Sez Kristiansen’s Re-Wilding, and it unlocked something in me—just a small fragment of Self, but enough to change everything. Slowly, I’ve been re-wilding myself, walking further and further away from the ties that bound me, healing decades of history one step at a time…. We can heal ourselves, even with nearly 50 years of wounds” We deserve to be re-wilded and roam freely the savannah under a star filled sky in a Universe with all those other Re-Wilded Creatures.
Jay, I just watched your video and you are so brave. I have rarely seen such open vulnerability. My heart is with you. And I see you and though we have never met, I love you. Sending you all my love. And looking forward to the day you rise from the ashes like the Phoenix you are.
There are so few things I am certain of, but of this I am-you will rise. You are surrounded by love and a community you have helped become what it is today. ❤️🐦🔥
Priscilla, your words have touched me deeply—thank you for seeing me and for your unwavering belief in my ability to rise.
Sharing that video felt like stepping into the rawest, most unguarded part of myself. It wasn’t planned or calculated—just pure intuition. An inner, desperate voice urged me forward, insisting that connection, in whatever form, was the only way through.
Every rational part of my brain screamed no, but I couldn’t ignore that voice. It felt like conscience and intuition working together, and though I was terrified, I hit send.
Four years ago, even listening to my intuition felt like a distant memory, utterly inaccessible. To be here now, guided by that inner knowing, and to have my vulnerability met with such love and care, is something I’m endlessly grateful for.
Thank you for your kindness and for holding space for me. Your belief in me, your love, and your words about this community remind me that I’m not walking this path alone. ❤️🐦🔥
Thank you for sharing your story and your heart. I have so much respect for you sharing your vulnerability and struggle. It is a beautiful video and I am so glad that I have the privilege to see it.
Thank you for your kind words and for taking the time to watch and reflect on my story. Sharing this part of my journey was one of the hardest things I’ve done, and knowing it resonated with you means so much to me. Your encouragement and presence here remind me of the strength in vulnerability and the beauty in connection. I’m deeply grateful for your support.
I see you Jay! I read each word with my whole heart. What a difficult season of life for you. And I do not wish to diminish your pain and struggle. This is real and you deserve to feel it all and have it all heard. But it also sounds like you are waking up and seeing how you haven’t been there for yourself. This is so fucking painful to see, as often it takes a disaster for the seeing to come. Don’t lose sight of this seeing. This season will not last forever. Brighter days will come. Believe this, even against all belief. You are so loved. And I’m so glad you shared your story here. ❤️🙏🏻❤️
Lila,
Your words land like a lifeline, grounding me in this whirlwind of grief, change, and profound realization. You’ve captured something so painfully true—this awakening to how I haven’t been there for myself unfolds even more. I am standing in the aftermath of a storm, surrounded by wreckage, and finally seeing the whole neglected foundation beneath it all.
It is excruciating, yes, but also strangely liberating. Your encouragement to hold onto this seeing, even as everything is still uncertain, is a gift I deeply cherish. I needed to hear this, to believe that brighter days will follow, even when belief is only partly accessible.
Thank you for reading my story with your whole heart and reflecting back such kindness and clarity. Your support, Lila, is a light in this dark season. I feel seen, loved, and so grateful for this connection.
I See the light in you. 🙏
With love,
Jay xo
Wow! Jay! And the words in your reply nourish me so much. When someone truly sees me, I can’t help but shed tears.
In the name of transparency, I too am standing amidst the wreckage of parts of an unlived life and seeing the unconscious patterns come into the light.
It might not feel like it, but we are not being hurt…we are being helped and I’m so glad we have each other to lend tender hearing to, along with fierce pointing.
NOTICE
LOVE
REMEMBER
Much love to you,
Lila
Dear Lila,
Your openness moves me deeply, and I’m honored that my words could nourish you as much as yours have grounded me.
Your transparency about standing amidst your own wreckage and bringing unconscious patterns into the light is so powerful. It reminds me that in this shared vulnerability, we find not just solace but strength. To know that we are not alone in these hard truths—that we are somehow being helped rather than hurt—is a perspective I am learning to embrace, moment by moment.
Thank you for your fierce pointing and tender hearing, for holding this space with me and reminding me to NOTICE, LOVE, and REMEMBER.
And remember, when a moment feels overwhelming, remember PAST:
Pause: Create space to breathe and step out of reactivity.
Acknowledge: Name what you’re feeling or experiencing without judgment.
Soften: Gently bring kindness and ease to the moment, connect with your body.
Tend: Care for yourself with a supportive, nurturing action.
Then the moment has passed.
Much love and gratitude,
Jay ❤️
Jay! Every exchange gets richer and richer. I loved what you shared above. About 2 years ago I noticed my system began to throw off the traditional concepts of divinity and I felt an extremely strong pull in my Heart for connection with the Earth. I longed for years for the earth to be animated in my body. And the belonging is being born here. I am so happy about this. Grounded. Here in my body, belonging to Nature, being Nature. Indescribable. I am so happy that you see me where I am. I lost connection with some close friends along the way they believed I had somehow gotten off the path. I’ve never felt more on the path, my path than now. I don’t know where it’s going…and I don’t need to. I am held. I am safe. I belong here…
Thank you with all of my heart, Jay! ❤️
Dear Lila, Your words continue to deepen this exchange in such meaningful ways. I truly admire the clarity and groundedness you’ve found in connecting with the Earth and embracing your path, even when others might not understand it. There’s something so powerful in staying true to yourself, even when it challenges the expectations of those around you. Belonging to Nature, being Nature—it’s such a profound realization. That sense of being held and safe without needing to know exactly where the path leads resonates deeply with me. It’s a reminder that alignment with our own truth often is far more “on the path” than anything external ever could. It is our inner compass and our conscience, the inner truth of who we are. Thank you for sharing this journey and for seeing me as I am. I value this space where we can reflect, connect, and explore together. I’m grateful for the richness of this exchange and look forward to where it takes us next.
With appreciation and care, you are deeply appreciated Love to you Jay ❤️
This thread is precious, Jay! 🙏🏻❤️
I’m curious how you came about the name of your stack? What’s the back story?
Gosh! Jay! The richness of your reply. Just YUMMY! Allowing it to wash through me. I’m speechless in seeing such beauty being born from such wreckage. Proves that we are never ever abandoned, no matter how things appear…The ever present Divine Mother never leaves Her child. Only “in Her wisdom” hides her face from time to time.
❤️❤️
Dear Lila,
Your words resonate deeply, echoing what has become a quiet truth in my life: even the crumbling, the wreckage, holds its own purpose. Like trauma itself, the rising from ashes—again and again—has woven itself into the fabric of my existence, not as a wish, but as a lived knowing. Six times now, I have walked through the fire, and each time, I’ve come to understand that what comes will also pass.
Tara Brach’s words ring true here: “This too belongs” and “This too will pass.” Both are reminders that even in the hardest moments, there is something of value, something fleeting yet essential.
And so, we NOTICE the wreckage, LOVE the broken pieces, and REMEMBER that no storm lasts forever. In the space between destruction and renewal, we are somehow held. This is a truth I have already experienced more times than I cared to.
Thank you for walking this path alongside me, for seeing me and allowing me to see you in return. Together, we are proving that even the hardest seasons hold a quiet, transformative grace.
Forgive me, when I am not relating as much to the Divine Mother in my response. After surviving a toxic abusive relationship with my mother and my father each of their own, my references tend to not tie to family. Thank you for your understanding. I agree with the contents.
With gratitude and love,
Jay ❤️
Jay, that makes perfect sense to me re: Divine Mother. I feel the same around the term God, the Father, and really almost all religious and “too” spiritual words. I’m too easily taken out of my body, and I think that’s why I’ve fallen deeply in love with the Earth. She’s my muse and greatest teacher. 🌳
Dear Lila,
Thank you for your understanding and for sharing that with me. Your connection to the Earth as your muse and teacher resonates deeply with me. It's a grounding force that transcends labels and titles, one that offers a quiet yet powerful reminder that we are always held, no matter how much we may struggle to find ourselves in the traditional concepts of divinity. The Earth speaks in ways words sometimes fail to, and I too find comfort in her embrace.
As we continue to walk alongside one another, I hope we can both continue to find spaces where we feel whole and safe, where the language of healing is one that comes from within, unburdened by the expectations or histories of others.
Thank you for witnessing me, and for offering your reflections with such honesty. I'm grateful for this exchange and the grounding we both seem to be seeking in our own ways.
With gratitude and love,
Jay ❤️
Ohh Jay, i have just watched your video. You are a treasure to our beloved community. Your words, your presence is important to us. I am so sorry to know that you are in so much pain right now and that you have to endure new hardships. I am sending you lots of love and light ✨I don’t know how life works, but i often experience magics happening after disasters happened in my life. Keep the mystery alive in your life, my friend!
Lise, thank you so much for your kind and heartfelt words. It means so much to hear that my presence here matters, especially in a moment when everything feels so heavy.
I resonate deeply with what you said about magic often following disaster. This feels like one of those moments—a time when everything is being stripped away, perhaps to make space for something new. I’m holding onto that sense of mystery, trusting that even in the midst of this chaos, something transformative might emerge.
Sending love and gratitude your way, my friend. ✨
My dear Jay, I'm so sorry it took me a whole day to get to this post. I watched the video, and my heart ached for you, for the pain that you're in. I read a bunch of the comments, and resonated so deeply with the reference to Mark Nepo. The sense that I get is that you are making such deep connections here, and I'm so grateful to be one of your new friends. We are here, excuse me, I am here for you, to talk, to listen, to hand you a virtual handkerchief when your tears flow. I see your tears. I see your pain. I feel it and I know something. What I know is that you are a gentle warrior. You said it yourself. You've given up. You are on the threshold of a new life, a new beginning, though it may be hard to see or feel with all of you. Keep doing what you're doing, being your amazing, vulnerable, honest, eloquent, wise self. Sending you the biggest hug I have. Let me know if you want to talk. I'm around.
Nan,
Your words wrap around me with such care and understanding, offering a depth of connection I deeply value. Thank you for watching the video and taking the time to share this thoughtful and compassionate message.
Mark Nepo’s wisdom resonates so profoundly—the notion of laying down what we’ve carried to move into something new is guiding me through this challenging transition. Your recognition of this threshold, this space where endings and beginnings intersect, offers reassurance as I navigate what’s next.
To be called a “gentle warrior” by you is both humbling and affirming. Thank you for truly seeing me, for holding space, and for offering such steadfast support. Knowing that someone is here, willing to listen and share the weight of this moment, strengthens me in ways words can’t fully capture.
I’m sending gratitude and warmth to you, Nan. Your kindness shines as a beacon, reminding me that connection like this is what sustains us.
With appreciation and care,
Jay 🌟💛
I watched your video and want you to know that you’re valued in this community. Your words have provided healing in my life transitions. I have often felt that when seeking authentic healing, life sometimes brings the most challenging circumstances. In those moments life seems overwhelming and impossible, but forces you to rise up and make the necessary changes for genuine healing to take place. It isn’t until after going through those difficult times, that it becomes apparent those circumstances were needed.
I want to remind you of your own beautiful words that helped me:
…Let me be clear, Sweetie: positivity doesn’t mean bypassing the dark parts of your canyon.
It means finding strength in walking through them, allowing the shadows to teach you about the layers of your own heart. You don’t have to choose between truth and light—they exist together, always. One makes the other possible.
And when you stumble, when positivity feels out of reach?
Know this: your worth does not depend on your ability to see the bright side.
You are no less worthy in your sorrow than in your joy. You are loved equally in every shade of yourself.
Positivity is not the avoidance of reality—it’s the quiet rebellion of choosing to believe in beauty anyway. It’s the acknowledgment that life, even in its harshest moments, carries the possibility of growth, connection, and grace…
Sending ♥️ to you!!!
Lisa, your words have touched me deeply, and I am in awe of this moment—having my own words come back to me when I needed them most. Thank you for seeing me and for reminding me of the truths I have spoken before but momentarily forgot in the midst of this storm.
Today has been one of those overwhelming moments, where everything feels impossible to hold. And yet, the connection, kindness, and reflections like yours have given me the strength to sit with it all—the grief, the loss, the sorrow, even the anger and powerlessness.
Your reminder of my own words is a gift I didn’t know I needed: “You are no less worthy in your sorrow than in your joy.”
I am holding those words close as I navigate this unfolding messiness. And I realize now, through this community and through your generosity, that I truly can walk through the shadows, let them teach me, and still find strength in the light.
Thank you for being here, for holding space, and for showing me what authentic connection and compassion make possible. Sending love and gratitude right back to you. ♥️
Oh Jay, I see your profound pain and disorientation. My heart breaks with yours. Let us help you carry this. I know it's not the same as if we could sit with you on that couch, holding your hand and making you soup, but we can still hold you, friend. This is so heavy, and I'm so incredibly proud of you for showing up with courage and authenticity. It's clear to me how incredibly, inherently loveable you are, even and especially in your "rock bottom ". May you find peace beyond understanding, friend. We're here and we're not going anywhere. 🤍💙
Kendall, your words are a warm hug, a mug of hot chocolate and a warm blanket on a dark cold winter night (quite true). Thank you for seeing me, for offering to help carry this weight, even from a distance. The image of sitting together, sharing soup, and holding hands brought tears to my eyes—it’s the kind of care that feels like home, even in its imagined form.
This is heavy, yes, but knowing that you and others here are holding space for me is helping immensely. This was long in the making, and I think today, I knew it was the risk I was willing to take when I stepped down a year ago. It was not if, rather when. Your reminder of inherent lovability, even in the midst of what feels like “rock bottom,” is one I’ll carry with me. It’s astonishing how connection, even virtual, can anchor us when everything feels unsteady. Thank you for your kindness, your encouragement, and for staying. It means more than words can express.
I see the light in you 🙏
Love & Gratitude Jay ❤️
You've got me all teared up now! You truly are the best, and not because of what you give or how much you do, just because of how the light shines through you. ✨️
Liebe Jay, thank you for your opennness. Es tut mir sehr leid, dass Du gerade eine schwere Zeit durchmachst. Trotz des Schmerzes sehe ich aber auch Deinen Mut, Deine Kraft und Deine Hoffnung.
On January 1st, I read a passage in Marc Nepo’s The Book of Awakening that reminded me of something important. He described a man trying to open a door without putting down the things he was carrying. The man struggled until he lost his grip, stumbled backward, and fell. Reflecting on this, Marc Nepo wrote: “We [often] refuse to put down what we carry in order to open the door. Time and time again, we are offered the chance to truly learn this: We cannot hold on to things and enter. We must put down what we carry, open the door, and then take up only what we need to bring inside.”
Dear Jay, what if the insolvency of the company is meant to give you freedom? What if it’s liberating you for something new? I don’t mean to sound overly optimistic, but I trust that you will find your way—and that this challenging time will support the healing journey you’ve mentioned.
You spoke about the journey of the phoenix, and I wholeheartedly believe that, like the phoenix, you too will rise from the ashes. I believe in you, dear Jay.
Some time ago, I’ve written a poem about the phoenix rising from the ashes. I’m sharing it with you here in case it brings you some encouragement: https://rosejah.substack.com/p/you-the-phoenix.
Viele liebe Grüße, und lass Dich nicht unterkriegen!
Rose
Liebe Rose, ganz herzlichen Dank für deine lieben Worte und dein Mitgefühl. I cannot express enough gratitude for the compassion, encouragement, and insight you’ve shared. To feel seen in this way, particularly by a fellow creative voice with ties to Germany, is a gift I didn’t expect but treasure immensely.
The Marc Nepo quote you referenced resonated a lot. The universe conspiring to remind me of a truth I’ve been circling for years: to walk through a door into something new, I must first lay down what I’ve been carrying. Yesterday, I unknowingly did just that. In allowing my most authentic self to emerge fully for the first time in over 46 years, I also put down the heavy backpack that others had loaded onto me—stones of their expectations, missed dreams, the toxic shame and burdens I had no obligation to bear. It’s liberating, though it comes with grief for the life I’m leaving behind.
Danke, dass Du dein wundervolles Gedicht mit mir geteilt hast. Du hast eine wunderschöne Stimme. Your poem about the phoenix rising from the ashes brought tears to my eyes. I had been there six times in my life before. You obviously have been there as well. It was written for this exact moment in my life. Seeing myself mirrored in your words—a being rising anew from the ashes—is profoundly affirming and empowering.
The number 7 has always held meaning for me, symbolizing completion, introspection, and transformation. Realizing that this moment represents stepping into my seventh life is the culmination of everything that came before. They say it is associated with intuition, inner wisdom, and spiritual awakening. Many see it as a bridge between the material and the spiritual worlds. So it indeed is a closing of one chapter and the opening of a new one, full of possibility and hope.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful poem. I have just subscribed to you and I’m so looking forward to exploring more of your work and deepening this connection. Whether you’re living in Germany or exploring the world, I’m grateful our paths have crossed.
With all my gratitude and warmth, I see the light in you. 🙏
Danke von ganzem Herzen ❤️ Jay
💛💛💛
Wow that was either very early or very late. Thank you.
Dear Jay, I just watched your video, I hope you know how much you mean to this wonderful community. You are simply one of the most supportive, most articulate and wise voices here. You care about us, support us and we care about you too. I’m deeply sorry things are so difficult. At the worst time of my life I didn’t see any hope or way forward, but sometimes when we least expect it,and most need it, there’s an opening, things shift, and you see one tiny positive that you can hang on to and build on. You are not alone Jay, I love you and so do many others. I’m so glad you reached out, you should be proud of the courage and tenacity you possess. Hang in there, and keep doing what helps you, like writing and connecting. You have a lot of people who care for you. Take good care of yourself and Monty. 🩵
Dear Susan,
Your words touched me deeply. Thank you for taking the time to watch my video and to reflect so kindly on what I’ve shared.
Hearing that my presence here is meaningful and that I’m part of this incredible community of care gives me strength in a way I can’t quite express.
In reflecting about the video, I found myself having share something extraordinary—the first-ever expression of the 100% true self Jay in my 56.4 years of life. This realization is profound.
For so long, I thought such authenticity was out of reach, buried under years of toxic shame and giving everything I had to others, of being consumed by expectations, and of losing myself in the process. Now, life has brought me to a doorstep littered with the remains of a life that once was, a consequence of having sold my soul to please, to perform, to belong.
But here’s the truth: what those remains reveal is the true, freed Jay.
Only a year ago, I could barely grasp 2% of this self. Then my 2024 intentions—healing, authenticity, and expression—began their work. This year’s intentions of healing, connection, and authorship are already bearing fruit in ways I never imagined.
What is unfolding now is not just the grief, loss, and upheaval of the life I once knew but also an extraordinary wave of kindness, compassion, and emotional support. Ripples of connection have reached me, weaving themselves around me in a way that feels like a warm embrace I had long given up on finding.
Monty and I are hanging in there, and knowing I have people like you in my corner makes all the difference. I will keep writing, keep connecting, and keep holding onto this community that has already given me so much hope.
Thank you for your love, care, and unwavering kindness. It means more than I can say.
With love and gratitude,
Jay
You are not alone, Jay! The unraveling happening right now is deep and affecting so many of us. I'm going through something very similar right now that has put my whole livelihood at risk. Yet, there's a profound knowing that this is part of the process of letting go that I've been praying for. I wished it came with more ease, but learning to accept how it's manifested and witnessing all the wounds that are seeing the light for me to finally witness and tend to them.
What a blessing that you're finding solace in this community. It's your words and loving presence that have brought us to you. That will only continue to grow, and I know it will bring so many unexpected blessings into your life.
Ana, I hear you. That deep unraveling, the one that shakes everything we thought was solid—it’s a lot. And yet, there’s this undercurrent of knowing, of something shifting toward truth. I won’t pretend it’s easy. Letting go rarely is, especially when it threatens the very structures that held us upright for so long.
I see you tending to those wounds, witnessing what was once hidden. That alone is powerful. And yes, finding this community, this space where we can exist as we are, has been a gift. Your presence here matters too, Ana. We’re walking this path alongside each other, even when the way forward feels unclear.
Dear Jay, I am just watching your video as I was away when you posted it. I'm sorry it took me so long. I see you and my heart breaks for you. I am sending you a hug from afar and much love and light. You are an important voice in this community and I feel blessed to have met you here. Watching your video brought me back to the years I was so alone and wondering what would come next. I had lost everything due to illness- my career, my home, colleagues and friends soon followed. I was blessed to have my dog and my parents at the time who heped me get back on my feet, but that was just the first season of loss. I've experieinced many losses over the past three decades including my marriage, another business, that like you I poured myself into for my spouse, only to lose it all. With each seaon of loss I questioned what else could possibly come next. There were many days that I was unable to take one step forward, but through therapy, coaching and mentoring, I reclaimed myself. That is not to say I have all the answers, becasue I do not. I don't believe anyone does. But I have faith and I remain hopeful for the future because of the skills I've honed. Your vulnerability and authencity are the basis for your resiliency, although you may not feel it right now. Your courage lies deep within you yet this awakening and healing is so very painful. Please know that while you may sit alone in your room, there are many who are with you and support you. I am here if you would like to talk or meet. I understand how painful this time is and there is no easy way out, but there is a way forward. I believe you have what you need to find it. Please do not lose hope. Remember to breath, remember you are strong, and most of all remember you are loved.❤️
Tracy,
Thank you for taking the time to watch, to witness, to reach out. Your words hold the weight of someone who *knows*—not just in theory, but in bone and breath. Loss strips us bare, again and again, until there’s nothing left but the raw truth of who we are underneath it all.
I hear the echoes in your story—how illness, circumstance, and devotion to something outside of yourself pulled everything away, leaving you standing in the wreckage, wondering what could possibly remain. And yet, here you are. Not just standing, but offering your voice, your experience, your presence. That in itself is a testament to the resilience that grows in the hollowed-out spaces.
I don’t have all the answers either. Maybe that’s not the point. Maybe it’s about sitting with the questions, learning to breathe inside them. Learning that being stripped of everything doesn’t mean we are nothing. It just means we are in the in-between. And in that space, as unbearable as it can be, something new is forming.
And in losing everything, I think I found the most precious thing I have—my literal *Self*. The Self that was lost and inaccessible for 47 years. I had excavated 80% by then, yet those last 20% remained elusive—until that video. During that moment, every remaining facade and mask fell away, and for the first time in 47 years, my unabashedly true Self emerged. No pretense, no mask, no facade. Just me. 100%. And I am deeply grateful for that.
Yes, the river remains full of rapids, sometimes with debris floating in it, and I will make it through. By now, I know the only feasible option for healing is to ultimately and finally leave this country that was never mine. The weeks since, and the rapids I have mastered in that time, have brought me that clarity. *Where to*—that is something I will probably only be able to decide once I am no longer in chronic trauma, day in and day out, from the society I live in.
Thank you for your kindness, your understanding, your willingness to share your own journey. I take that to heart. And I’m breathing.
Jay,
You're right that loss strips us bare, until there is nothing left but the truth of who we are. Some never learn that truth. I feel graetful, like you that I did. I wish there was an easier way, but as you said so eloquently, "learning that being stripped of everything doesn't mean we are nothing." Far from it. We are MORE. And while we may sit in the in-between for some time, you will walk forward as the the new unfolds and embrace each step. The unknown is filled with fear, but when you're your true self, the fear lessens and the possibilities unforld before you.
Your gratitude for finding your Self is evident and will carry you when if you falter or question the next step. I am certain that you will find your 'where-to" although the first stop may be just one of many.
Thank you for sharing the journey as you shed your facade. I would love to talk more and welcome you to contribute to The power of Change if and when you feel you would like to. Your perspective is much needed and I'd like to share it with my community. Continuing to send you love and light and look forward to discussing how we can work together.
Actually, Tracy, walking into the so-called unknown will be the fulfillment of a longing I’ve had since 1982. It has returned in irregular intervals over the years, never lessening. So, this feels less like stepping into uncertainty and more like finally walking into liberation—from a trauma that still assaults me daily, even if only on a subtle level. My body feels it. Almost no interactions with people in my current daily life (except therapists) exist without reinforcing old trauma. Viewed that way, anything else can only be better.
I’ve already lived four months outside this system and was deeply sorry to return. The first two weeks were difficult, but I found a TCM practitioner who prescribed Chinese herbs, and within five days, the fog lifted—never to return for the rest of that journey.
I know how I will feel once I’ve finally left, because I’ve felt it time and time again. Every time I’ve traveled solo to a place where I wasn’t surrounded by German speakers, I experienced that liberation. It was like stepping into an alternate reality—one that felt more real, more tangible, more mine. Maybe, in those fleeting moments, I even touched the parts of myself that have remained inaccessible. The memories are still elusive, so I can’t say for sure.
I’m looking forward to the potentiality that might unfold and to the serendipity that could grace me in the wake of it.
My heart feels both broken and full hearing you share Jay. Thank you so much for your gift of vulnerability. Where you are right now is so familiar to me. Last year as I began to come out of my own dark night of the soul, I found myself in a similar reckoning to help me make sense of it. I created something I call the spiral funnel tunnel, which became a way to grasp what I was going through. Now, as I stand with tears in my eyes from having just watched your video, I hold so much hope for you. This place here in the reckoning is extraordinarily painful, dark and lonely, but you are not alone. I think you already know that it also holds such profound possibility for transformation. If you’re interested in the model I mentioned, I started writing about it in my latest post on recovering from trauma. It’s designed for any kind of recovery, including the kind of profound loss you are describing. I’ll message you now. I would love to connect.
Mx. PunkRogers,
Thank you so much for your kind and heartfelt response. Your words are an open hand extended in understanding, and I deeply appreciate that. As I sit with what you’ve shared, I realize that the event itself has already transformed me—it wasn’t an ending at all but more of a beginning. From what I can see now, true transformation doesn’t allow for holding onto the old. It’s a full reckoning, requiring us to let go of the ways we’ve been living to step fully into something new.
I’m always curious to learn from others—what has worked for them, how they’ve survived, and how they’ve found ways to integrate profound challenges. Your spiral funnel tunnel sounds fascinating, and I would love to hear more about it.
For me, this isn’t the first time I’ve faced a deep reckoning. It feels like the 7th installment of a pattern—each time taking me to the lowest points I thought I could reach. Loss, whether from illness, accidents, or unexpected shifts, has shaped my life. And yet, there’s something about being here, in this raw and tender space, that feels so beautifully open, fertile, and full of possibility.
Your insight about transformation resonates deeply. I may not know much about your funnel yet, but the understanding that transformation requires release feels both familiar and enduring. I look forward to learning more from you and continuing this connection.
Oh my dear Jay, your vulnerability is so powerful, and there is so much power in voicing your pain and releasing it rather than holding it all in and Letters from Love and the Substack community have showed me this. There is freedom in it, even if we are chained down by fear, pain, regret, anger, disappointment, and yes even bankruptcy, when you release the pain and share your story and tell someone instead of allowing it to eat away at you and destroy you then immediately you break it's hold over you and just by doing that you are the Phoenix rising from the ashes, you are rising above it all, refusing to allow your pain to silence you. I heard everything you said about living for everyone else and I want to encourage you: It is never too late, you have found us: your fellow Lovelets and Substack community and you are loved and held in arms of love and words of love and encouragement, there is no judgement here or finger pointing, there is only love. Who knows what is around the corner for you still, maybe you will still get the opportunity to travel, or start something new, anything is possible, I believe that for you. 💐
It is truly wonderful to feel seen so deeply and acknowledged with such warmth and care. Samantha, your words are a balm to the soul. Thank you for recognizing the courage in vulnerability and for reminding me of the power in releasing pain instead of letting it consume us.
Your reflection on freedom—even amidst fear, pain, regret, and so many other struggles—resonates so deeply. To hear that sharing our stories can loosen pain’s grip and allow us to rise, like a Phoenix from the ashes, feels both empowering and affirming.
I am grateful for this space, for the Letters from Love, and for the Substack community that has embraced me with love and without judgment. Your encouragement means so much, and your belief in the possibilities ahead sparks hope in me. Thank you for your kindness, your faith, and for holding this space of love and connection.
Dear Jay, I just watched your video because I was in the mountains and I didn’t have Internet connection. I’m so sorry for your pain, I’m so sorry for this blow that you don’t deserve. Listening to you I was thinking that you are so brave sharing this, sharing your truth, being yourself, naked , authentic. This is so powerfulJay. . I also thought that this blow is a blessing in disguise, is the result of your healing, of your evolution. Now you are in a different level of vibration, now you are in the way of love , acceptance and compassion. You are becoming more conscious and the world is changing around you to adapt to your new vibration. When changes are so sudden and so big it is very difficult to go through them, but I’m sure you can. You have the strength. As you know, I’ve been ill for four years now and they were days when I thought I couldn’t go on, that it was the end, but then I gave me the chance of one more day, and then one more, and I committed myself to trust life, even if it seemed that everything was terrible around me and getting worse. I choose to rust and love because I knew only good things could come out from this.t There was a moment when I felt a shift, a voice inside me told me that the nightmare was finishing and that from that moment on things would be better for me and so it was. Hold tight my dear, new opportunities are waiting for you and they will reveal themselves like a gift for you , the joy you deserve, the love you deserve. I’m here. I take you in my arms. Hope you’re feeling better.
Teresa, Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful words—they mean more than I can express. I know you’ve faced such immense pain yourself, and that makes your compassion and encouragement all the more profound. It’s true, isn’t it? When we’ve been to the very bottom, where there’s no floor below, we gain a unique ability to hold space for others in their pain. We know what it’s like to be unseen, unheard, and belittled. That shared understanding is a gift in itself, even when born of hardship.
I’ve thought about what you said, about this being a blessing in disguise. Yes it was. I shared about it https://open.substack.com/pub/wildlionessespride/p/rediscovering-myself-through-depth?r=1sss7q&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true that kind of the continuation of the account you listen to.
There was a time in my life when I thought those 28 traumas I’ve endured were some kind of punishment. But now I understand that wasn’t my truth—it was what others wanted me to believe, a way to force me into compliance and obedience. That realization has been freeing in ways I never imagined. It has helped me see that, just as totalitarian leaders control nations, those dynamics can exist in personal lives too, whether in Germany, Spain, or the United States.
And yes, my Alexander Technique coach noticed a shift in me right away. She said I’m changed in a big way, and I feel it too. I like how you describe it as a shift in vibration, like the world adjusting itself around me as I step further into love, acceptance, and compassion. Trusting that things will evolve as they were meant to, and embracing patience along the way, is something I’m learning more each day.
Thank you for always being here, for encouraging me, and for reminding me to hold tight. Our connection through the Letter from Love community and beyond is truly a gift. I’m grateful for you and the light you bring to this journey, Teresa . Besos y abrazos. xoxo Jay
Dear Jay, as you say, when we have reached the bottom we become in some way guides for other people. Like a travel guide, we already know the way, the chasm, the narrow paths... because we have been there. I just received a letter from Love where they reminded me that when the fog is too thick the only thing you can do is look at your feet and the path even if you only see two feet ahead, taking small steps until the fog clears. The other day I had a strange dream, I wanted to go to my parents' flat and I had to take a lift, in the dream I wanted to go to the seventh floor, which is not the real flat where my parents lived. There were two lifts, one of them went to the ninth floor, it was narrow and people were in line so I could only see one person, the other elevator was a big room, it was actually a temple, a sacred place full of people, it was going to the twelfth floor and I thought I would rather take it and then I could look for the seventh. What I understood when I tried to figure out the meaning is that ascension is collective. I believe our community of Love is our temple and through care, compassion, acceptance and kindness we are ascending together. Goodnight, darling.
Teresa, your words about ascension being collective resonate so deeply. It’s incredible how so many of us—Gloria, Mesa, Jules, K., you, and myself—are arriving at this same realization from entirely different realities of life. What once sustained us no longer nourishes who we’ve become through our respective healing journeys. We’ve bent, knelt, twisted, and disappeared for others long enough. Enough is enough.
Your dream feels like a beautiful metaphor for the path many of us are walking now. That temple you described—the sacred space filled with people ascending together—is exactly how I see this community of Love we’ve built. Compassion, kindness, interconnectedness, and shared joy (*Mitfreude*) are the pillars of the world we’re envisioning. These aren’t just ideals; they’re necessities for the life we want to live and the places we want to inhabit.
I can understand why Costa Rica has become a beacon for so many. Its commitment to protecting its land, refusing to sell its soul to the highest bidder, offers a glimpse of what’s possible when care and sustainability guide decision-making. Similarly, parts of Europe are starting to re-wild their landscapes, reclaiming the nourishing earth that once was. It’s a reminder that healing isn’t just personal—it’s collective, and it extends to the land, the ecosystems, and everything that connects us.
What I find so moving is that despite our different circumstances, we’re all seeking the same essential truths. A place where we no longer have to disappear to be accepted. A life rooted in compassion, care, and a sense of shared humanity. Together, we’re rewriting the narrative, not just for ourselves but for the kind of world we want to leave behind.
Goodnight, Sweetheart. Thank you for sharing your dream—it’s a reminder of what’s possible when we ascend together.
Hi Jay,
I am sorry you are experiencing so many challenges all at once but see the fact that you were willing to be honest and share your pain here as evidence of your inner strength and wisdom. I believe you will find a path forward. It may be a long and difficult one (mine certainly has been!) but it will be worth the effort to reclaim your authentic self and honor your own needs. I wrote a post you may find helpful: https://wendigordon.substack.com/p/what-are-the-afgos-in-your-life-and
Here’s an excerpt from it:
I’ve experienced lots of Afgos (AFGO is Glennon Doyle’s acronym for Another Fucking Growth Opportunity) in the last few years. First, my husband and I unexpectedly lost our jobs during the pandemic. I became depressed and anxious. Financial realities (like a $200/month rent increase if we renewed our lease) forced us to accept a friend’s offer to let us move in with her and her husband.
Then she tested positive for COVID as we were en route. We stayed in a hotel and expected to move in the following week. But she was still sick then. Additional testing revealed that she had cancer, so we rented an apartment instead of moving in with them as planned. …
I’ve experienced remarkable personal growth as a result of my AFGOs. I’m grateful for that, but that doesn’t mean I’m grateful for the painful experiences that led to my growth. Those AFGOs may have been necessary, and they did teach me valuable lessons, but they also devastated and almost killed me. …
I wish there were easier ways to rediscover my authentic self and let her guide me, one baby step at a time, into the next chapter of my life. I’d much prefer to skip all of the losses and other difficult circumstances and make the journey to a better life without going through them first. …
I still have days when I don’t think I can endure my current AFGOs or the lingering pain from past ones.
On those days, I remind myself that I’ve thought that before and always found ways to not only survive but grow. I’ve started over and created a better life.
Glennon’s words near the end of Love Warrior can become a mantra for all of us:
I’ve finally unlearned enough. I have unbecome, and I am ready to begin again. …
I will not betray myself. I will trust the wisdom of the still, small voice. I will not let fear drown her out. I will trust her and I will trust myself. Love, Pain, Life: I am not afraid. I was born to do this.
——-
Hope these words bring you some comfort and encouragement, Jay.
Wendi, Thank you for your compassion and thoughtful encouragement.
Reading your words and Glennon Doyle’s excerpt is a balm for the rawness of this moment. The concept of AFGOs resonates deeply, not just as moments of pain but as the forging ground for resilience. Like you and Glennon, I see them as growth opportunities—hard-earned, often brutal, but transformative nonetheless.
My life has been a series of these moments, 28 individual life-changing experiences, including seven classified as significant traumas. Among them are the premature losses of four family members (at ages 41, 67, 29, and 64), a car accident, a suicide attempt, 8 years emotional land physical childhood abuse, and the nearly lifelong experience of exclusion, discrimination, and ostracization. Surviving and integrating about two-thirds of these has shaped me into someone others now call resilient, wise, or knowledgeable. Yet, I know this strength was born from necessity, not choice.
Until now, most of these experiences were met with pity or hollow reassurances: "It'll be fine," or "It can't be that bad; you're still alive." Those words, well-meaning as they might have been intended, left me feeling unseen and unheard. But this community has been a revelation. For the first time, I have been surrounded by kindness, compassion, and support—a net that caught me while I was still falling. Your message is part of that, and I am deeply grateful.
Because of this newfound compassion, I found myself able to reframe what happened much sooner than ever before. Yes, I’ve lost financial security, and everything I built over decades of allowing myself to be exploited—programmed by trauma and upbringing—is disappearing. That’s one perspective, valid and hard. But another perspective has also emerged: I have shed expectations and burdens that weren’t mine to carry—the unlived lives of my parents, my late partner, my employees. I see now that I was never truly living my own life.
Publishing that vulnerable video was a pivotal moment. Despite my upbringing and the internalized voices telling me otherwise, I followed my intuition. In doing so, I encountered something extraordinary: the first appearance of my 100% true self in over 46 years.
Until recently, I had recovered about 80% of my authentic self from under layers of toxic shame. But those last 20%—stubborn and deeply entrenched—resisted every effort. This experience, as painful as it is, cracked that final layer. I have found *me*. What greater gift could there be?
Yes, practical challenges remain. Finding a new place to work and live, I really would like to leave this country that brought me so much trauma behind, especially outside of the field that was intertwined with chronic trauma, is daunting. Yet maybe thought this community serendipity will strike. A retreat needing a generalist for all cases from cooking to weather frog maybe. And I am free from the expectation to return to those cycles. It mights takes time and I have to rely on German social security, I know this: I am not the person I was before.
Thank you for being part of this incredible community that has shown me compassion and kindness when I needed it most. You’ve reminded me that even amidst the hardest moments, there is hope, connection, and the possibility of rebirth.
Warmly,
Jay
Hi Jay, I watched your entire video, even rewinding and taking notes - I always find so many gems in your words. Thank you for sharing your circumstances, and I do hope you have felt your load lighten a bit. This is so much to carry, but I believe as do you, that while there is so much grief here for you, you can do it.. and you can and will continue on this healing journey that you started a year ago. You have so much to share with the world, and while I do not fully know your story, I have no doubt that it needs to be shared. So keep sharing, writing, talking because you belong here, and while you have not known your purpose, I can see that you have one. There is a lot of loneliness in the world, and your words are important. I am so glad that you found a way to reach out and let us know what is going on with you. And it is very nice to now put a lovely face and voice with the words that you write. I admire and respect you, and keep writing because writing has helped me thru the loneliness times of my life. It’s like a best friend that can fill up the emptiest of rooms. At least that has been my experience. So much love to you, Jay. Please keep us posted! Lots of love, Jessie .. aka Junebug Strong :)
Dear Jessie (Junebug Strong),
Your kindness and generosity leave me speechless. Becoming a founding member of the Pride after just reading my words shows such a deep and immediate trust—it’s something I will treasure always.
Your message touched me profoundly. Knowing that you took the time to watch the entire video, rewind, and take notes truly humbles me. Your belief in my journey and your encouragement to keep sharing my story means more than I can express.
Loneliness has a way of carving deep spaces within us, but as you beautifully said, writing has a power to fill those spaces—it becomes a friend, a lifeline, a light in the emptiest of rooms. Your words remind me why I write, why I reach out, and why we’re all so much stronger when we share our truths.
Thank you for seeing me, for believing in me, and for becoming part of this journey. You inspire me to keep going, to keep writing, and to hold onto the purpose I am beginning to uncover.
With so much love and gratitude,
Jay 💜
I am honored to be a founding member, and I cannot wait to continue to follow you on your journey. As so many have said, you have an authenticity about you and are so magical in the way you support others through your words. You are truthful and raw, in a way that is beautiful and rare, and you are a gift to the community; and you are so strong - what comes to mind for me is this favorite quote of mine from Winnie the Pooh: you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think and loved more than you know. I am very excited to be a CUB.. is that what you would call members :) Yes... writing for me is a true lifeline, and how cool is it that the words we write can connect us to others so far away, and to people we would never know but, through this, we can hold onto one another close in our thoughts and hearts and share the common experience of being a human and healing in community. I am thinking of you, Jay so much and I hope today has been lighter for you.
Jessie, becoming a founding member of the Pride and sharing such beautiful thoughts about writing and connection it a bond I will always treasure. Thank you for seeing me, for encouraging me, and for walking alongside me on this journey.
I confess, I’ve never thought much about naming the members of the Pride. I’ve always considered us all Lion*esses—not as singular or gendered, but as a reflection of the strength and duality each of us carries within, beyond any defining categories. The idea of “Cub” is undeniably sweet, though I think I might reserve that for the many beloved pets—cats, dogs, and others—who remind us of home. For us grown-ups, we are all Lion*esses, roaring into the world with our truth.
I resonate so much with what you said about writing being a lifeline. It has been for me too—a way to write myself back to life. I’ve often thought of myself as that small Lioness, shy and hesitant, staying close to the familiar den. Step by step, as I wrote and explored more, that timid Lion*ess began to grow stronger. First, I ventured just beyond the cage, then further into the controlled habitat. Over time, the re-wilding happened, and now that Lion*ess is roaring their voice out into the world, exploring more of the vast savannah each day.
Your presence in the Pride and your kindness remind me how much strength comes from community and shared stories. Writing connects us across distance, and your words remind me of the power of that connection. Thank you Jessie for sharing your light, your favorite quote (one I adore too, it is truly fitting), and for holding space for this journey we are all on together.
I do agree the Cubs title is fitting for pets, I love being a Lion*ess. I can relate to what you said about leaving the cage.. but now I think you are much more suited for a nice comfortable den among us other Lion*nesses.
We deserve an upgrade from the cage!!!
Yes, so much so. I just answered to @Gloria Horton-Young on a very personal thread, I adore her poetry and she also is a Big Lion*ess, my first founding member this: “Last January, I uncovered @Sez Kristiansen’s Re-Wilding, and it unlocked something in me—just a small fragment of Self, but enough to change everything. Slowly, I’ve been re-wilding myself, walking further and further away from the ties that bound me, healing decades of history one step at a time…. We can heal ourselves, even with nearly 50 years of wounds” We deserve to be re-wilded and roam freely the savannah under a star filled sky in a Universe with all those other Re-Wilded Creatures.
Jay, I just watched your video and you are so brave. I have rarely seen such open vulnerability. My heart is with you. And I see you and though we have never met, I love you. Sending you all my love. And looking forward to the day you rise from the ashes like the Phoenix you are.
There are so few things I am certain of, but of this I am-you will rise. You are surrounded by love and a community you have helped become what it is today. ❤️🐦🔥
Priscilla, your words have touched me deeply—thank you for seeing me and for your unwavering belief in my ability to rise.
Sharing that video felt like stepping into the rawest, most unguarded part of myself. It wasn’t planned or calculated—just pure intuition. An inner, desperate voice urged me forward, insisting that connection, in whatever form, was the only way through.
Every rational part of my brain screamed no, but I couldn’t ignore that voice. It felt like conscience and intuition working together, and though I was terrified, I hit send.
Four years ago, even listening to my intuition felt like a distant memory, utterly inaccessible. To be here now, guided by that inner knowing, and to have my vulnerability met with such love and care, is something I’m endlessly grateful for.
Thank you for your kindness and for holding space for me. Your belief in me, your love, and your words about this community remind me that I’m not walking this path alone. ❤️🐦🔥
With love and gratitude,
Jay
You are definitely not alone. ❤️
Thank You, I appreciate your sentiment.
Jay,
Thank you for sharing your story and your heart. I have so much respect for you sharing your vulnerability and struggle. It is a beautiful video and I am so glad that I have the privilege to see it.
Thank you for your kind words and for taking the time to watch and reflect on my story. Sharing this part of my journey was one of the hardest things I’ve done, and knowing it resonated with you means so much to me. Your encouragement and presence here remind me of the strength in vulnerability and the beauty in connection. I’m deeply grateful for your support.