It is the awareness of my inherent dignity and the lack of respect for me that forced me to distance myself from family. Everyone deserves dignity. It is because I have an inherent sense of my dignity and worth that I am unable to tolerate less than that from others, even those I’ve loved most and longest. Thank you for this.
Kelly, thank you so much for sharing this. It’s powerful to hear how recognizing your inherent dignity became a catalyst for setting boundaries, even with those you’ve loved most. Your insight highlights how essential it is to honor our own worth, and I’m glad my essay resonated with you. Everyone truly deserves to be treated with respect and dignity.
It’s a powerful important essay, Jay. If we as humanity could treat ourselves, the planet, and all sentient beings with dignity, oh how beautiful it would be.
What a powerful question to ask—what comes after healing?
Jay, the first part of your essay had me excited to consider dignity in how we express our human condition. It’s a missing element in systematic systems (such as modern politics, Family Scapegoat Abuse, any social -ism, prison systems in America, capitalism when profits matter more than people, the U.S. Veterans Affairs system). I’m having all kinds of a-ha moments considering dignity on a greater human scale.
The second part is more personal and gives me a lot to ponder about my healing path, too. I’m glad this book spoke to you so you could apply it and share it with others.
Charli, I’m so glad my essay sparked these thoughts for you. The concept of dignity is indeed something I’ve found to be almost entirely missing from the American way of life, particularly in politics, the economy, and the way human rights are addressed. In the U.S., profit and power seem to override the inherent dignity of individuals, which has profound implications, especially when we look at systems like Family Scapegoat Abuse, the prison system, and even how veterans are treated.
Coming from Germany, where dignity is deeply embedded in the fabric of society—within the law, politics, and even the economy—it’s a striking contrast. In Germany, the concept of “Soziale Marktwirtschaft” (Social Market Economy) and the principle of “Solidargemeinschaft” (community solidarity) guide many of the structures that shape daily life. The idea that dignity is a fundamental right, protected and respected in every part of society, creates a foundation that is often missing elsewhere.
I’m glad the personal part of my essay gave you something to reflect on in your own healing journey. Reclaiming dignity is such a powerful part of healing, and it's something I see reflected not just in individual growth but in the collective spirit of communities. Your own exploration of dignity is inspiring, and I look forward to hearing more as you continue this path. 💛
As I read, I began to realize the shortcomings of you’ve noted in the American society. We value freedom and independence but I’ve often wondered why that feels limiting in its scope. A lack of dignity as a social construct explains a lot. It’s interesting how abusers (like Family Scapegoat Abuse) have no sense of dignity for themselves or those they abuse. Yet, I think that’s how individuals learn about dignity in a backward way, through the process of healing. That’s hopeful (we can learn and grow). I also see how dignity is what I admire in my Anishinaabe and Finnish friends where I live in a remote region along Lake Superior. The Finns practice Sisu, which is interpreted as courage or resiliency, but now I’m realizing it’s courage rooted in dignity. The Anishinaabe have a beautiful greeting between friends—“Aaniin” which is “the light in me sees the light in you.” That, too, is improved in translation considering “the dignity in me sees the dignity in you.” I’m going to process this teaching you’ve given in your essay and look for dignity in situations, others and my Self. Is the book you read available in English translation?
On a side note, my husband earned his German Jump Wings in 1983 as a US Army Ranger. He still talks about his brief time in Germany and how the German people treated his unit. Dignity explains a lot.
Charli, it's wonderful to see how you're deepening your understanding of dignity, both in your own journey and in the larger societal context. I completely agree that dignity is often overlooked or undervalued in certain systems, especially in places where profit and power seem to outweigh human rights. The lack of dignity within the dynamics of Family Scapegoat Abuse is profound, and it's incredible that you're exploring this through your own healing process. Healing from such ingrained abuse, as you’ve pointed out, often involves unlearning the absence of dignity that was taught to us.
Your thoughts on dignity in the Anishinaabe greeting and the concept of Sisu are such beautiful examples of how dignity manifests in different cultures. The translation of “Aaniin” as “the dignity in me sees the dignity in you” is powerful, and it resonates deeply with the concept of Namaste from the Buddhist-Hinduist traditions. It's amazing how dignity, though expressed differently, is a universal value that binds us all.
I also wanted to mention that the book by Gerald Hüther has not yet been translated into English. Unfortunately, I haven't found any of his works in other languages than German. However, the YouTube video of him speaking about *Würde* (dignity) https://youtu.be/DOYRlthNGwY?si=nSoJPmVfEquCg9MZ is a fantastic resource. He has made many longer and shorter appearances with German TV and in private and cooperate contexts as a Key Note speaker. The Search theme on You Tube would be "Gerald Hüther Würde". YouTube videos can be automatically translated into English, and I believe the "Vortrag im Wendland" provides one of the most comprehensive and condensed versions of his book. I highly recommend watching it for a deeper dive into his perspective on dignity.
How fascinating that your husband has such meaningful memories of his time in Germany! It’s clear that the respect and dignity he felt from the German people left a lasting impact on him, and it’s wonderful that his experience ties back to the same value we’re exploring here.
Thank you for sharing your reflections—your journey with dignity is incredibly inspiring, and I’m excited to see how it continues to unfold. 💛
This is such a thoughtful piece about how change happens within us, Jay. Thank you for risking such vulnerability in sharing your journey.
There’s something, admittedly not fully formed for me, that strikes me as important in the difference between Germany’s enshrinement of dignity versus life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness in the U.S.A. It’s a “being vs doing” distinction. Perhaps not entirely or rigidly so, but I sense the achievement orientation of American culture as different from the inherent beingness of dignity. For instance, from dignity springs universal healthcare in Germany, versus the “liberty” to work at a job that provides some varying level of health insurance (or none) in America. Hmm. I’ll have to reflect more, but I’d welcome your reactions to my rambling response. 😊
As always, I appreciate your depth and willingness to show up fully! 💚
Thank you, Lori, for your thoughtful reflection. You've touched on something profound, and I appreciate the invitation to reflect on it. The distinction between “being” and “doing” is a powerful lens, especially when considering dignity in contrast to the American ideals of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
In Germany, dignity indeed seems to be an anchor for the broader social fabric. It's built into the laws and social systems—such as universal healthcare and protections for non-dominant populations—that ensure the inherent worth of each individual is respected. The Solidargemeinschaft, or the community of solidarity, is foundational here, where society actively works to uphold the dignity of all, regardless of their position or status. The connection between dignity and rights like anti-discrimination laws, protection from hate speech, and equitable access to resources like healthcare, shows a deep belief in the intrinsic value of every person. It’s not just about “surviving,” but about fostering an environment where every individual is supported in their “being.”
In contrast, the U.S. model, with its emphasis on liberty, often centers around “doing”—the idea of individual freedom tied to personal achievement. While this is powerful, it also creates a more transactional view of dignity, where it may be contingent upon what one can do or achieve. This can make dignity feel like something you earn, rather than something you are inherently worthy of.
Your observation about the “liberty” in the U.S. being linked to the freedom to work for varying levels of healthcare—sometimes with no support at all—is a stark contrast to the universal rights ensured by the German system. There’s an underlying tension here, where the U.S. framework of liberty emphasizes individual responsibility, but often overlooks collective responsibility for each other's well-being.
I’m excited to dive deeper into this conversation, especially as I continue to explore the connection between dignity and toxic shame in the upcoming posts. The loss of dignity, as I’ll share in my personal story, has been a central theme in my journey. When dignity is compromised, it impacts our sense of self—often leading to shame, as it did for me. Understanding how dignity is woven into social structures and personal worth is key to healing, both individually and as a community.
I look forward to hearing more of your thoughts as you reflect further on this important distinction! 💚
What a beautiful, insightful and thoughtful piece Jay 🙌 and so interesting ! I’ve never thought about dignity like that , but it’s so obviously true . When I think of our late , great leaders , Nelson Mandela and Archbishop Desmond Tutu , their dignity was a deeply felt presence that changed people and affected any space they entered . I was never fortunate enough to meet either of them , but I have heard many who did , speak of and marvel at that presence .
I hope your dignity rises up and melts the ice 🌞and I can find mine somewhere deep down , dust it off , patch it up and wear it like a magic cloak 🌟
Thank you, Pippa, for your kind and reflective words. Your mention of Nelson Mandela and Archbishop Desmond Tutu resonates deeply—they embodied dignity not just as a presence but as a way of being that aligned with 'Ubuntu': the profound recognition of our shared humanity. Ubuntu reminds us that dignity is not only personal but also collective, rooted in our interconnectedness and mutual respect.
I love the imagery of your dignity as a magic cloak—patched, dusted off, and ready to transform the spaces you inhabit. May we both find warmth in its embrace, melting ice and nurturing connection. 🌟✨
You’re welcome, friend. Thank you for your knowledge and understanding. I appreciate your generosity and courage too. I remember learning about Human Rights day when I was around 14.
Constellation, learning about Human Rights Day at 14 speaks to an awareness of dignity and justice. Yet, from my perspective, it seems many Americans either never learned—or have forgotten—how these rights connect to the realities of privilege and the shame it can impose on marginalized communities
Thank you, Jay. I’ve been aware even before 14 and I’ve known many wonderful social justice and human rights advocates who are Americans and from other cultures and nations including indigenous cultures. I am empowered by our diversity and all the storytelling. I’m not clear on those choosing to go backwards in time in the US. The hate narrative holds no appeal for me and I’m very aware of privilege and the spectrum of humanity. The choice to belittle others in an effort to claim dominance over or power over is not only heartbreaking but serves no long lasting purpose or beauty. We are so much more than algorithms or systems or even borders. It’s all so ridiculous really. I say that not to be flippant at all but to just express harming others eventually destroys the one causing harm. Mix that with too much conspiracy theory kool aid and corruption and war profiteering and well, we’ve seen war, Jay. War between nations and cultures. Violence against our bodies and our loved ones. Not to mention the real emotional health imbalances of so many still recovering from a global pandemic and other atrocities in our communities. It’s a false and quick fix to others to gain political power or financial gain. Eventually we all suffer. The battle is a pyrrhic one. The very lens through which we see one another is so clouded by a kind of unchecked fear of our neighbors. And yet, the fear machine is a machine and the greed and bully culture is not what nourishes human beings. I just refuse and dissent to anything that imprisons or harms others or myself. This beautiful planet of plenty is a gift and we are here to take care of her and one another. I continue to support others at a grass roots level even if that’s providing care or sharing food. I really have no desire to rage against the machine anymore. It’s not why I’m here or I sense why most human beings are here. We have the capacity to create and build so much prosperity and joy, art and culture. We even have the ability to liberate ourselves. I am wise to the narratives of others as well as the stories I’ve built myself. I choose now. I use discernment and humor, humility and pride, and an empathic consciousness. I listen often and am still learning. And poetry always. Thanks for listening! Take good care.
It is the awareness of my inherent dignity and the lack of respect for me that forced me to distance myself from family. Everyone deserves dignity. It is because I have an inherent sense of my dignity and worth that I am unable to tolerate less than that from others, even those I’ve loved most and longest. Thank you for this.
Kelly, thank you so much for sharing this. It’s powerful to hear how recognizing your inherent dignity became a catalyst for setting boundaries, even with those you’ve loved most. Your insight highlights how essential it is to honor our own worth, and I’m glad my essay resonated with you. Everyone truly deserves to be treated with respect and dignity.
It’s a powerful important essay, Jay. If we as humanity could treat ourselves, the planet, and all sentient beings with dignity, oh how beautiful it would be.
What a powerful question to ask—what comes after healing?
Jay, the first part of your essay had me excited to consider dignity in how we express our human condition. It’s a missing element in systematic systems (such as modern politics, Family Scapegoat Abuse, any social -ism, prison systems in America, capitalism when profits matter more than people, the U.S. Veterans Affairs system). I’m having all kinds of a-ha moments considering dignity on a greater human scale.
The second part is more personal and gives me a lot to ponder about my healing path, too. I’m glad this book spoke to you so you could apply it and share it with others.
Charli, I’m so glad my essay sparked these thoughts for you. The concept of dignity is indeed something I’ve found to be almost entirely missing from the American way of life, particularly in politics, the economy, and the way human rights are addressed. In the U.S., profit and power seem to override the inherent dignity of individuals, which has profound implications, especially when we look at systems like Family Scapegoat Abuse, the prison system, and even how veterans are treated.
Coming from Germany, where dignity is deeply embedded in the fabric of society—within the law, politics, and even the economy—it’s a striking contrast. In Germany, the concept of “Soziale Marktwirtschaft” (Social Market Economy) and the principle of “Solidargemeinschaft” (community solidarity) guide many of the structures that shape daily life. The idea that dignity is a fundamental right, protected and respected in every part of society, creates a foundation that is often missing elsewhere.
I’m glad the personal part of my essay gave you something to reflect on in your own healing journey. Reclaiming dignity is such a powerful part of healing, and it's something I see reflected not just in individual growth but in the collective spirit of communities. Your own exploration of dignity is inspiring, and I look forward to hearing more as you continue this path. 💛
As I read, I began to realize the shortcomings of you’ve noted in the American society. We value freedom and independence but I’ve often wondered why that feels limiting in its scope. A lack of dignity as a social construct explains a lot. It’s interesting how abusers (like Family Scapegoat Abuse) have no sense of dignity for themselves or those they abuse. Yet, I think that’s how individuals learn about dignity in a backward way, through the process of healing. That’s hopeful (we can learn and grow). I also see how dignity is what I admire in my Anishinaabe and Finnish friends where I live in a remote region along Lake Superior. The Finns practice Sisu, which is interpreted as courage or resiliency, but now I’m realizing it’s courage rooted in dignity. The Anishinaabe have a beautiful greeting between friends—“Aaniin” which is “the light in me sees the light in you.” That, too, is improved in translation considering “the dignity in me sees the dignity in you.” I’m going to process this teaching you’ve given in your essay and look for dignity in situations, others and my Self. Is the book you read available in English translation?
On a side note, my husband earned his German Jump Wings in 1983 as a US Army Ranger. He still talks about his brief time in Germany and how the German people treated his unit. Dignity explains a lot.
Charli, it's wonderful to see how you're deepening your understanding of dignity, both in your own journey and in the larger societal context. I completely agree that dignity is often overlooked or undervalued in certain systems, especially in places where profit and power seem to outweigh human rights. The lack of dignity within the dynamics of Family Scapegoat Abuse is profound, and it's incredible that you're exploring this through your own healing process. Healing from such ingrained abuse, as you’ve pointed out, often involves unlearning the absence of dignity that was taught to us.
Your thoughts on dignity in the Anishinaabe greeting and the concept of Sisu are such beautiful examples of how dignity manifests in different cultures. The translation of “Aaniin” as “the dignity in me sees the dignity in you” is powerful, and it resonates deeply with the concept of Namaste from the Buddhist-Hinduist traditions. It's amazing how dignity, though expressed differently, is a universal value that binds us all.
I also wanted to mention that the book by Gerald Hüther has not yet been translated into English. Unfortunately, I haven't found any of his works in other languages than German. However, the YouTube video of him speaking about *Würde* (dignity) https://youtu.be/DOYRlthNGwY?si=nSoJPmVfEquCg9MZ is a fantastic resource. He has made many longer and shorter appearances with German TV and in private and cooperate contexts as a Key Note speaker. The Search theme on You Tube would be "Gerald Hüther Würde". YouTube videos can be automatically translated into English, and I believe the "Vortrag im Wendland" provides one of the most comprehensive and condensed versions of his book. I highly recommend watching it for a deeper dive into his perspective on dignity.
How fascinating that your husband has such meaningful memories of his time in Germany! It’s clear that the respect and dignity he felt from the German people left a lasting impact on him, and it’s wonderful that his experience ties back to the same value we’re exploring here.
Thank you for sharing your reflections—your journey with dignity is incredibly inspiring, and I’m excited to see how it continues to unfold. 💛
This is such a thoughtful piece about how change happens within us, Jay. Thank you for risking such vulnerability in sharing your journey.
There’s something, admittedly not fully formed for me, that strikes me as important in the difference between Germany’s enshrinement of dignity versus life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness in the U.S.A. It’s a “being vs doing” distinction. Perhaps not entirely or rigidly so, but I sense the achievement orientation of American culture as different from the inherent beingness of dignity. For instance, from dignity springs universal healthcare in Germany, versus the “liberty” to work at a job that provides some varying level of health insurance (or none) in America. Hmm. I’ll have to reflect more, but I’d welcome your reactions to my rambling response. 😊
As always, I appreciate your depth and willingness to show up fully! 💚
Thank you, Lori, for your thoughtful reflection. You've touched on something profound, and I appreciate the invitation to reflect on it. The distinction between “being” and “doing” is a powerful lens, especially when considering dignity in contrast to the American ideals of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
In Germany, dignity indeed seems to be an anchor for the broader social fabric. It's built into the laws and social systems—such as universal healthcare and protections for non-dominant populations—that ensure the inherent worth of each individual is respected. The Solidargemeinschaft, or the community of solidarity, is foundational here, where society actively works to uphold the dignity of all, regardless of their position or status. The connection between dignity and rights like anti-discrimination laws, protection from hate speech, and equitable access to resources like healthcare, shows a deep belief in the intrinsic value of every person. It’s not just about “surviving,” but about fostering an environment where every individual is supported in their “being.”
In contrast, the U.S. model, with its emphasis on liberty, often centers around “doing”—the idea of individual freedom tied to personal achievement. While this is powerful, it also creates a more transactional view of dignity, where it may be contingent upon what one can do or achieve. This can make dignity feel like something you earn, rather than something you are inherently worthy of.
Your observation about the “liberty” in the U.S. being linked to the freedom to work for varying levels of healthcare—sometimes with no support at all—is a stark contrast to the universal rights ensured by the German system. There’s an underlying tension here, where the U.S. framework of liberty emphasizes individual responsibility, but often overlooks collective responsibility for each other's well-being.
I’m excited to dive deeper into this conversation, especially as I continue to explore the connection between dignity and toxic shame in the upcoming posts. The loss of dignity, as I’ll share in my personal story, has been a central theme in my journey. When dignity is compromised, it impacts our sense of self—often leading to shame, as it did for me. Understanding how dignity is woven into social structures and personal worth is key to healing, both individually and as a community.
I look forward to hearing more of your thoughts as you reflect further on this important distinction! 💚
What a beautiful, insightful and thoughtful piece Jay 🙌 and so interesting ! I’ve never thought about dignity like that , but it’s so obviously true . When I think of our late , great leaders , Nelson Mandela and Archbishop Desmond Tutu , their dignity was a deeply felt presence that changed people and affected any space they entered . I was never fortunate enough to meet either of them , but I have heard many who did , speak of and marvel at that presence .
I hope your dignity rises up and melts the ice 🌞and I can find mine somewhere deep down , dust it off , patch it up and wear it like a magic cloak 🌟
Thank you, Pippa, for your kind and reflective words. Your mention of Nelson Mandela and Archbishop Desmond Tutu resonates deeply—they embodied dignity not just as a presence but as a way of being that aligned with 'Ubuntu': the profound recognition of our shared humanity. Ubuntu reminds us that dignity is not only personal but also collective, rooted in our interconnectedness and mutual respect.
I love the imagery of your dignity as a magic cloak—patched, dusted off, and ready to transform the spaces you inhabit. May we both find warmth in its embrace, melting ice and nurturing connection. 🌟✨
Thank you @Constellations In Her Bones for sharing my post. Sharing is caring.
You’re welcome, friend. Thank you for your knowledge and understanding. I appreciate your generosity and courage too. I remember learning about Human Rights day when I was around 14.
Constellation, learning about Human Rights Day at 14 speaks to an awareness of dignity and justice. Yet, from my perspective, it seems many Americans either never learned—or have forgotten—how these rights connect to the realities of privilege and the shame it can impose on marginalized communities
Thank you, Jay. I’ve been aware even before 14 and I’ve known many wonderful social justice and human rights advocates who are Americans and from other cultures and nations including indigenous cultures. I am empowered by our diversity and all the storytelling. I’m not clear on those choosing to go backwards in time in the US. The hate narrative holds no appeal for me and I’m very aware of privilege and the spectrum of humanity. The choice to belittle others in an effort to claim dominance over or power over is not only heartbreaking but serves no long lasting purpose or beauty. We are so much more than algorithms or systems or even borders. It’s all so ridiculous really. I say that not to be flippant at all but to just express harming others eventually destroys the one causing harm. Mix that with too much conspiracy theory kool aid and corruption and war profiteering and well, we’ve seen war, Jay. War between nations and cultures. Violence against our bodies and our loved ones. Not to mention the real emotional health imbalances of so many still recovering from a global pandemic and other atrocities in our communities. It’s a false and quick fix to others to gain political power or financial gain. Eventually we all suffer. The battle is a pyrrhic one. The very lens through which we see one another is so clouded by a kind of unchecked fear of our neighbors. And yet, the fear machine is a machine and the greed and bully culture is not what nourishes human beings. I just refuse and dissent to anything that imprisons or harms others or myself. This beautiful planet of plenty is a gift and we are here to take care of her and one another. I continue to support others at a grass roots level even if that’s providing care or sharing food. I really have no desire to rage against the machine anymore. It’s not why I’m here or I sense why most human beings are here. We have the capacity to create and build so much prosperity and joy, art and culture. We even have the ability to liberate ourselves. I am wise to the narratives of others as well as the stories I’ve built myself. I choose now. I use discernment and humor, humility and pride, and an empathic consciousness. I listen often and am still learning. And poetry always. Thanks for listening! Take good care.
PS Love you.