Feeling Overwhelmed, Fearful, Frozen? How You Step Into Your Agency.
When you think being compliant and complacent is only option, self-governance becomes an act of courage—and necessity.
Dearest Lionies, Hello Loved Ones,
I’ve been sitting with the stories I’ve been hearing lately, turning them over like stones in my hands. Many of you are scared. Exhausted. Some say they don’t know where to start, while others say they’ve already lost too much to keep fighting. I hear about the fear of speaking up, the pressure to go along with the tide, to be agreeable, compliant, safe.
I know that feeling. I’ve lived it. I spent most of my life trapped in the oppressive system my narcissistic mother had installed in my mind. Today, I realize it wasn’t all that different from living under an authoritarian regime
For years, I thought survival meant keeping my head down and doing what was expected of me. It wasn’t a choice—it was reflex, deeply rooted in the way I’d been conditioned to move through the world. The echoes of my past demanded obedience as a form of protection. But there’s a cost to living that way. Every time I silenced my own voice or made a choice that didn’t align with my values, I gave away a piece of myself.
I learned this the hard way: when I abandoned my ability to govern myself, I abandoned my connection to who I was. It wasn’t until I found myself at the edge of total disconnection—no sense of direction, no sense of self—that I realized something had to change. That’s when I began the slow, steady work of reclaiming my agency.
Self-governance isn’t some abstract concept. It’s personal. It’s painful. It’s transformative. And it starts with a single act: choosing to take responsibility for your decisions—not out of guilt or obligation, but because you deserve to live a life aligned with your values and truths.
Intention: Self-Governance
Definition
Self-governance is the ability to take personal responsibility for one’s actions, decisions, and behaviors by aligning them with one’s values, needs, and goals. It involves cultivating inner discipline and autonomy to navigate life authentically and ethically. In Buddhist terms, this may resonate with the concept of sīla (ethical conduct), part of the Noble Eightfold Path, emphasizing self-discipline and moral integrity to foster harmony within oneself and with others.
Inspiration to Achieve the Intention
Consider creating a personal “inner council.” This practice involves imagining an advisory group within yourself, each representing different facets of your identity or values (e.g., wisdom, creativity, compassion, courage). Regularly consult this council when making decisions or reflecting on your choices, allowing space for diverse perspectives within yourself to inform and guide your self-governance. This creative approach fosters both accountability and self-compassion.
Journaling Prompt
What principles or values do I most want my decisions to reflect, and how can I honor them consistently in my daily life?
Hint: Explore moments when you felt proud of your choices. What values did those decisions align with? Conversely, reflect on times you felt disconnected from yourself—what was missing?
Affirmation: I Am the Agency I Seek
I am the agency I seek. Within me lies the power to navigate my life, to make choices rooted in my truth, and to create a path that aligns with my values. I am not waiting for permission or external validation to claim my place in the world. My ability to act, decide, and shape my experiences is not separate from who I am—it is who I am.
I am learning to trust the steady rhythm of my own inner voice, allowing it to guide me with clarity and confidence. This agency is not about control but about freedom—the freedom to live authentically, to adapt when needed, and to stand firmly in my own integrity. I honor the quiet strength of discernment, knowing that even hesitation and doubt are part of the wisdom that informs my choices.
I am not a passive observer of my life but an active participant in its unfolding. With each decision, no matter how small, I affirm my capacity to move forward, to grow, and to transform. I am the agent of my own becoming, shaping a life that is uniquely and unapologetically mine.
Key Takeaway:
The affirmation, “I Am the Agency I Seek,” reminds us that the power to create and shape our lives comes from within. It’s a declaration of self-trust, freedom, and the capacity to act with authenticity and integrity, even in the face of uncertainty.
Essence: I am my own guide and architect, capable of navigating life through trust in my inner voice and aligning my actions with my values.
Journaling Prompt:
What choices or actions have you made recently that reflect your inner agency, and how did they align with your values?
Hint: Think about moments where you trusted yourself to make a decision without needing external approval. What was the outcome, and how did it feel to rely on your own judgment?
If you were to fully step into your role as the agent of your life, what is one meaningful change you would make in how you approach your decisions?
Hint: Consider where in your life you might still feel dependent on outside validation or hesitant to act. What small, actionable step could help you reclaim your freedom to choose?
By asking yourself these questions, you’re invited to explore not only where agency already exists in your life but also where it can flourish further. Sharing your reflections can spark dialogue and encourage others to recognize their own capacity for self-directed growth.
Closing
Self-governance isn’t easy, especially when the world seems determined to make you forget your power. But here’s what I’ve learned: every time you choose to listen to your inner voice—to act in alignment with your values, no matter how small the action—it’s a step toward reclaiming yourself.
It’s not about getting it perfect. It’s about showing up for yourself, over and over again. I think back to the first time I told myself, This choice is mine to make. It felt foreign, even reckless, to say those words. But I said them anyway, and each time after that, they felt a little more true.
So, what would it look like for you to claim your agency today? Maybe it’s a decision you’ve been avoiding or a moment of silence to hear your own thoughts again. Whatever it is, it’s enough. You are enough.
Let me know your thoughts or reflections—what does self-governance mean to you? I’m here, listening, and ready to walk with you as we navigate this together.
Glad to walk this path alongside you.
Jay
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“Survival meant keeping my head down”, wow, that is so relatable. For most of my life, survival for me has meant making myself invisible, trying to fade into the background, not wanting to be a nuisance, a pattern I realized is that I apologize for everything, to everyone, I am always “sorry” even when I had nothing to with it. Thank you Jay for sharing this, it is beautiful and a powerful reminder to life up our heads, to be present and to be responsible for our choices, our emotions and our presence. Much love to you!
Lovingly written and so very helpful. Thank you, Jay.