Unraveling ‘Just the Way It Is’: From Survival to Superlatives
Exploring how deeply ingrained beliefs and survival mechanisms like “just the way it is” shape our lives, and how reclaiming the power of choice can break these patterns and lead to true inner freedom
Hey there, dearest Lionies,
It started with a book in my hands. I was reading The Body is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor, when I stumbled across the phrase, “Just the way it is.” I could feel myself coming apart, like a fracture splitting open a deep, hidden place. Suddenly, it was as though a new side canyon was forming—another vast stretch of inner terrain that I hadn’t yet charted. The walls began to rise around me, dark and towering, and I wasn’t yet sure where they would lead. But I couldn’t turn away. I had to explore.
I dove in. This wasn’t yet the stage of mapping or understanding—I wasn’t cartographing the canyon, only feeling its walls with my hands, tracing the patterns that had been etched over a lifetime. As I walked deeper into this emotional canyon, I couldn’t help but hear the words of my coach echoing in my mind. Only yesterday, she had invited me to mindfully explore my use of superlatives. Could there be a connection between those two seemingly different statements? One, the resignation of "Just the way it is," and the other, my tendency to heighten and magnify even the smallest positive moments?
That’s when it hit me. Much of my life, especially the hardships—the deeply life-altering experiences, not just the small challenges—had become so normalized. There had been so many hardships from all directions, throughout my entire life, that they had fallen into a category of inevitability. Trauma, grief, and pain became routine, just part of the landscape I was expected to navigate. It was "just the way life is." This normalization had become a coping mechanism, a way to function through the storm without being swept away.
And because of that—because the unbearable became bearable through resignation—everything that was even a little positive, a brief moment of kindness, a rare word of encouragement, was lifted up, celebrated, thrown into the spotlight. Those moments became superlatives in my life. They were drenched in the lime light, magnified because they felt so rare, so fleeting. Acts of kindness, so seldom experienced, stood out like precious gems, as if they needed to be extraordinary just to be noticed.
This duality—the resignation to life’s pain on one hand, and the amplification of any small good on the other—was woven into my story. And today, as I reflect on kindness and freedom, I begin to understand how much this pattern has shaped me.
Let me share today’s intention and affirmation with you:
Intention: Kindness
Definition
Kindness is the conscious practice of extending warmth, care, and compassion to both oneself and others. It involves recognizing the shared human experience and responding with empathy, patience, and non-judgment. Kindness is more than an action—it is an attitude that fosters connection, healing, and mutual respect.
Buddhist Perspective: In Buddhism, kindness aligns closely with metta, or loving-kindness, one of the four Brahma Viharas (sublime states). Metta is the cultivation of unconditional love and goodwill toward all beings, fostering an open-hearted approach to life. Through meditation and intentional practice, metta softens the heart and encourages kindness as an essential aspect of enlightened living.
Inspiration to Achieve the Intention
Practice Self-Compassion First: Kindness begins within. By offering yourself kindness in the form of self-compassion, you can create a foundation for extending it to others. This means accepting your flaws, mistakes, and imperfections with understanding rather than criticism.
Offer Small Acts of Care: Kindness doesn’t require grand gestures. Simple acts like listening deeply, offering a smile, or sending a thoughtful message can create profound shifts in someone’s day. These small moments of connection ripple outward, creating a kinder world.
Cultivate Patience: Patience is a form of kindness, especially when dealing with difficult people or situations. By practicing patience, you create space for others to express themselves and for situations to resolve naturally, without rushing to judgment or frustration.
Journaling Prompt
"What patterns of judgment or impatience arise when I am interacting with others, and how could I replace them with kindness?"
Hint: Notice recurring feelings or reactions in social interactions. Identify the thoughts that trigger impatience or judgment and explore how cultivating patience could transform these dynamics.
Affirmation: I Am the Freedom to Choose
I am the embodiment of the freedom I seek. With each mindful breath, I embrace the power to choose my path, allowing outdated beliefs and habits to transform into nourishment for new possibilities. I recognize that I am not separate from the freedom I desire, but rather the living manifestation of its potential.
In this present moment, I create a welcoming space for the Mystery to guide my choices. My completeness is not measured by external validations, but by how authentically I remain true to my intrinsic wholeness, even amidst life's challenges.
I am learning to speak the language of my soul, embracing the quiet undercurrents of my being. By choosing to live a more authentic life, I honor the hidden paths that lead to my truest self. I trust in the cyclical nature of growth, allowing aspects of my life to bloom, fade, and renew without resistance.
With unwavering dedication, I move towards the future I was meant for, remaining flexible and at ease with my natural flow. I stand fully present in this realm, offering companionship to my everyday experiences while staying loyal to my unique qualities.
I am the universe experiencing itself through my distinct perspective, deeply grateful for this opportunity to explore life through the divinity of my perceptive body. In recognizing my true nature as boundless awareness, I embrace the freedom that comes from knowing I am interconnected with all that is and ever will be.
Key Takeaway
The affirmation highlights the freedom that comes from recognizing the power of choice within ourselves, embracing our authenticity, and trusting in life's cyclical nature for renewal and growth.
“I am the embodiment of freedom, embracing my choices as a reflection of my authentic self, allowing the ebb and flow of life to guide me.”
Journaling Prompts
Exploratory Question:
“How does my ability to choose reflect my relationship with my true self?”
Hint: Consider moments when you felt fully aligned with your choices and how they mirrored your core values. Reflect on whether any decisions felt disconnected or externally driven.
Future-Oriented Question:
“What hidden paths might emerge if I continue to honor my authentic self through mindful choices?”
Hint: Envision the possibilities that could unfold by staying true to your intrinsic wholeness. How could these choices shape the future you are meant for?"""
As I sit with today’s intention and affirmation, I realize that the way forward is not found in these extremes. The challenge isn’t to resign myself to the hardships nor to exaggerate the positives just to make them bearable. The real freedom comes in choosing kindness, not just as a distant ideal, but as a way of softening the grip these extremes have on me. I can meet myself in the middle, between resignation and superlatives, and allow kindness to heal the fractures.
What if the "just the way it is" moments don’t need to be accepted as inevitable? What if the positive experiences, no matter how rare, don’t have to be magnified to matter? In choosing kindness for myself, in the quiet of each breath, I can begin to let go of these patterns that no longer serve me.
So, I ask you, dear reader, where in your life have you been caught between resignation and superlatives? What might change if you allowed yourself the kindness to meet yourself exactly where you are?
With love and connection,
Jay
❤️ If you find this piece meaningful, consider clicking the heart at the top or bottom of the post. It helps others discover this newsletter and brightens my day.
Hashtags
#Kindness #FreedomToChoose #BodyShame #Superlatives #HealingJourney #TraumaHealing #Authenticity
Support My Work: Subscribe and Contribute
If you’ve enjoyed my reflections and want to support my work, you can subscribe to The Wild Lionesses Pride* here. Your subscription helps keep this ad-free, reader-supported publication going and ensures my content remains accessible to everyone.
If this reading resonates with you, great! And if not, no worries. Take whatever may be helpful and leave the rest.
I currently paywall my work because I believe in sharing my work widely. But you will get full access to archives and some of my secret recipes I usually do not share with anybody. If a monthly or annual subscription isn’t feasible for you right now, you can also show your support with a one-time tip via my Tip Jar here.
Thank you for your generosity and for being a part of this journey!
The Wild Lion*esses Pride is a reader-supported publication, free from ads or algorithms.
I am bookmarking this to save and dive into!