Embracing the Journey of Lovingkindness
Finding Wholeness Through the Practice of Self-Compassion
Portable Peace: My Metta Phrases to Carry with Me, Set Against the Tranquil Beauty of a Cape Verde Sunset - Postcard by Jay Siegmann © 2020-2024
Hello Friends,
This week marks the one-year anniversary of
, and how fitting it is to have the incomparable Sharon Salzberg as 's special guest. Sharon has dedicated her life to the practice of lovingkindness, and her teachings have reached the hearts of countless people, me included. I have listened to her guidance on Insight Timer and dharmaseed.org, her voice a constant companion in my own journey toward self-compassion. Sharon's words are like a gentle hand resting on the shoulder, reminding us that we are worthy of love, exactly as we are.Elizabeth's letter this week was like a balm to my spirit, moving me to tears with its raw honesty and deep compassion. Her invitation to be "Gentle. Gentle. Gentle." with us resonated with a part of me that often feels like it is still learning how to soften. Her words reminded me that lovingkindness is not about perfection or striving, but about the aspiration to meet each moment with an open heart, even when we fall short. It's about embracing our humanity with mercy and tenderness, recognizing that each step, each misstep, is part of the sacred journey of becoming.
Sharon’s letter echoed this theme so beautifully. Her reflections on lovingkindness, on finding awe in the goodness of others, and on allowing ourselves to rest in the knowledge that we are already held, already enough, touched me deeply. She speaks of moments of grace and of realizing that we are connected to all beings through the simple act of kindness. Her insights have been a guide for me since I began my own meditation practice in July 2020, a time when the very idea of lovingkindness felt so foreign, beyond reach.
Back then, I began my practice with the awkwardness of a beginner, a sense of pretending to know something I did not yet believe. But little by little, I stayed with it. And as I persisted, repeating phrases that felt like fragile, tentative steps toward a new way of being, something inside me started to shift.
And so, inspired by the words of Elizabeth and Sharon, and reflecting on my own unfolding path, I offer my own letter—from this place of exploration, of learning to hold myself with kindness, and of honoring the journey that continues to shape me every day.
Here is my Letter from Love...
Hey Sweetie,
I want you to know that even on days that feel heavy, when doubts and fears try to settle in, you are surrounded by a blanket of love, both from within and all around you. Today, let’s take a moment to ask, as Sharon Salzberg suggests: “Dear Love, what would you have me know today about lovingkindness?”
Love wants you to remember that lovingkindness starts with you. It begins with the way you speak to yourself when things don’t go as planned, or when you feel less than whole. Love reminds you that you are already complete, already enough, just as you are. Your journey, with all its ups and downs, is woven with threads of wisdom, compassion, and courage that only you possess.
I remember those early days of July 2020, sitting in meditation, when the practice of lovingkindness felt so unfamiliar, almost like wearing someone else’s clothes. I was Judith then, a woman searching for a way to hold all the pieces of myself. Those meditations felt like a “fake it 'til you make it” experience, a whisper into the vast unknown, trying to find a way back to love. The doubts, the resistance, and the confusion made it seem impossible to cultivate kindness toward myself.
Yet, something shifted in November 2020 when I began coaching with Ulrike. My heart felt like it was sinking under the weight of depression, trapped in a maze with no way out. In that dark place, I discovered Tara Brach’s words in Radical Compassion, and a small spark was lit by a single phrase: “May I love and accept myself as I am.” Repeating it, again and again, felt like planting a seed in barren ground. Slowly, something began to grow.
Those were moments when I started to feel the presence of love as a gentle companion, nudging me to be kinder to myself, to soften my inner dialogue. Ulrike, a vivid practitioner of both lovingkindness and vipassana, encouraged me to let go of the masks and really feel it. And then, the most unbelievable thing happened on January 24th, 2021—an experience that I can only describe as a quantum transformation. In the span of ten seconds, everything shifted. Deep within me, something had been silently, persistently reshaped by the daily repetition of “May I love and accept myself as I am.” It felt like the culmination of an alchemy I had been unconsciously stirring, a moment when all the parts of myself finally clicked into place.
I emerged from those ashes not as Judith, but as Jay—a non-binary person, a being of wholeness, completeness, and truth. That moment was the most transformative of my life, a rebirth that revealed who I have always been. From that day on, I could sense that a journey had begun, one that continues to unfold in ways beyond imagination. It has become a process of reclaiming my past, of healing the traumas and wounds carried by the little kid, the teenager, the young woman, the grown woman, and the woman I once was. Lovingkindness has been a thread in that tapestry of healing, guiding me back to myself with every breath.
Each morning, in those sacred moments between sleep and wakefulness, I plant the seeds of kindness in my own heart:
"May I love and accept myself as I am."
"May I accept my body as it is."
*May I be safe, secure and protected."
"May I recognize that I am valid, significant, worthy, and lovable."
"May I trust myself, the process, and those who support me."
"May I make conscious, wise, embodied choices about how to live an integrated, healthy, satisfying life."
These phrases, these gentle affirmations, are like small beacons that light my path even when it feels dim. And Love wants me to know that I am the creator of my own life, the artist of my own existence. Every day, I choose to step into my own power and trust in my unique journey, embracing it with openness and grace.
Lovingkindness also asks me to be patient with myself. To know that growth isn’t always linear, and healing doesn’t always come quickly. Sometimes, it comes in waves, in whispers, or even in silence. May I surrender to what is, accept things as they are, and find peace in knowing that everything is unfolding exactly as it should.
And Sweetie, Love wants me to remember the power of extending these wishes beyond myself:
"May I be free from inner and outer harm."
"May I be healthy, well, and safe."
"May I be happy."
"May I have a peaceful heart and be free."
When I send these out into the world—to every being, near and far, seen and unseen—I connect to the infinite web of life, where my compassion touches others and their kindness, in turn, reaches back to me.
Love wants me to feel this interconnectedness, to know that even in solitude, I am never truly alone. My presence, my being, matters deeply. The choices I make ripple outwards, bringing light and love to those around me, even if I can’t always see it.
So today, may I trust that I am held in a gentle embrace of lovingkindness. May my heart find peace, my mind find calm, and my spirit find joy in the simple truth that I am exactly where I need to be, doing exactly what I need to do.
With all my love and in kindness,
Yours always, Jay
As I share my own reflections, I hope they resonate with your heart and encourage you to embrace the imperfect, beautiful journey of lovingkindness. May we all find the courage to meet ourselves and each other with gentleness, patience, and compassion, knowing that we are always enough, just as we are. Let us continue this path together, with open hearts and the understanding that love, in all its forms, is always within reach.
Love Jay
P.S. Please let me know if you would like to receive a digital copy of my postcard.
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